A Caffeinated Place

Transplant

2007-08-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

It's official. I've moved across the country. My new apartment is really cute (way to go Tom) and thanks to Ikea, is now almost completely furnished. I start my new job on Monday, everything's really coming together.

In other news, I've started a new blog. Because it's a fresh start, and because some of my old coworkers want to read my blog but I don't really need Dr. ACP knowing that I call him a cutie-pie on the internet. :) So, this blog is probably going to become inactive, and you can find me at my new blog:

TRANSPLANT!

see you there!

Pack Rat

2007-07-17T16:49:00.001-07:00

You never really realize how much crap you've accumulated over the course of your adult life, until you try to fit it all into these.

Packing is depressing.

Things that Happened to Me Last Night

2007-07-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

1. I ate cupcakes and cheesecake brownies at a bar. Because C can't go anywhere without baked goods. And that is why I love her so.
2. I did a shot of Patron. (I'm sure there's an accent mark on there somewhere, but I lack both the knowledge and will to add one.) It was really cold. I probably should have done that shot prior to losing all sensation in my tongue. Probably a wasted $9.25.
3. I knew that Mitt Romney thinks that the garden of Eden was in Missouri.
4. I did not know to dial 8-1-1 prior to digging.
5. I had a song called "Strokin'" dedicated to me and was required to go up and dance on the stage area. "I stroke it to the east, I stroke it to the west, I stroke it to the woman that I like best..." My friend Elizabeth loves this song and swears it will be the song of the first dance at her wedding. I totally believe her.
6. I drank what probably amounted to half a bottle of rum. (Which is why my liver spent today trying to punch me in the face.)
7. I rode home in a cab whose headlights didn't work. At 2 AM.
8. I spent one of my last nights in Birmingham with all the people that I love the most.
9. I realized how much I'm going to miss everyone.
10. I contemplated how many of them I could fit in the back of a U-Haul.

Quote

2007-07-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

We're all leaving Innisfree after trivia.

C: "My car is far....That is rhymes."
C's roommate: "Um...do you need a ride home?"

The Days are Just Packed

2007-07-10T15:14:00.000-07:00

I'm moving in 11 days, but I have a feeling that the day is going to creep up on me much faster than I think. Primarily because I am staying extraordinarily busy in these final days.

Last weekend I went home for the last time before the move. My sisters and I (minus Jessica) hung out, went bowling, and spent a lot of time going over how things are done in Boston. Such mind-bending questions as "How do they wash their cars in Boston?" and "Do people even wear shorts up there?" were answered. I'm pretty sure my younger sisters think I'm moving to a polar ice cap. It was a lot of fun though, despite the fact that it rained non-stop. We went to Chili's, ordered an ungodly amount of food, were all sitting there clutching our stomachs, and Bear ordered cake. "Bear, I don't think I'm going to be able to eat cake." "Then quit eating your food. Save room for cake! You've gotta have priorities." So, we ate until we were sick and then bowled until the wee hours of the morning. It was a blast. :) I mean, who wouldn't miss faces like these? (and who knew Bear's eyes could do that?) :

I got back to Birmingham on Sunday evening in time to hang out with C and P. We decided to go to dinner and then see Ratatouille. We had Japanese food, and let me tell you a little something about the seafood pasta at this particular restaurant. You might assume shrimp...maybe some scallops...perhaps a crab leg. But you would be wrong. P got her food, I looked over... "Um...is that a tentacle?" Her pasta was chock-full of squid-y goodness. Actually squid and octopi, because there were tiny squids, but there were also honest to God tentacles with little suction cups I kid you not. Luckily I'm a vegetarian, and quickly lumped octopus tentacles into the meat category. Blech. Of course, I guess it was better than octopus ice cream. Skip to 3:30 on this bad boy

Then we saw Ratatouille. If you haven't seen this movie, go now. See it on the big screen. Not only is it really well-written and adorable, it also has the most amazing animation ever. The wet fur, the singed fur, the dry fur...hell, see it for the fur. Also see it because it is like watching Food Network with rats. I totally love Food Network, but this movie definitely gives that channel something to aspire to. Giving the audience an appreciation for food and fresh ingredients, rather than giving the audience the quickest way to throw together preservative-laden foods (I'm talking to you, Sandra Lee. Put down the Cheez-Whiz! Also, you may want to think about AA.) was really refreshing. I am not a cook by any means, but I really enjoyed watching the culinary touches to this movie. Apparently Anthony Bourdain was an advisor and he later reviewed the movie talking about how much they got right about life in a restaurant kitchen. I'm a huge fan of Bourdain's books, so I appreciate that the movie aspired to authenticity along with absolutely nailing the animation and having a wonderful story to boot. Awesome movie for any age. Go go go see it now.

Then I went out again Monday night! I'm telling you, I haven't just laid down and vegged out on my couch for like a week. Which is probably healthy, but whatever. Last night we went to the Alabama Kick-Off party for Barack Obama's campaign. I don't know who I'll be voting for yet, but I thought I'd like to hear what he had to say, and if by some chance he wins, when will be the next time I'll get to say I saw the President in person?!? (Actually, that's already happened to me once. President Bush's motorcade drove 10 feet in front of me when I was in DC a few years ago, but I wouldn't categorize my reaction to that as "excited" by any means. Ugh.)

The whole kick-off thing was pretty low-key...it's hard to get a large group of Democrats together in Alabama. First some little 9 year old girl read a letter she'd written to Obama, and I guess it was cute. I didn't pay a lot of attention since I'd just gotten there and had found a couple of my friends in the audience. Then some Birmingham drum line performed. Poor kids performed and then stood there holding their drums for almost the entire event. They finally gave out in the last 15 minutes or so. Then Charles Barkley came out to introduce the guy who was going to introduce Obama. I hate when people do that. You know who we're here to see, we don't need a cavalcade of people leading up to the guy. Particularly Charles Barkley who I don't care for at all, but who is probably trying to ride some coattails to the Governor's office. Barkley introduced Artur Davis who is a Congressman representing Alabama's "Black Belt." Which is the most impoverished part of the state. It's pretty much the equivalent of a 3rd-world country down there. Pitiful. I've met Congressman Davis before when I helped plan a meeting with local leaders about HIV/AIDS in Alabama. I love Congressman Davis. He works really hard, he's sincere in what he does, he's extremely intelligent, and he's a genuinely nice guy. After Obama spoke, I realized that I wished Congressman Davis was running for President. He'd get my vote hands down.

Finally it was the moment everyone was waiting for. The drummers are drumming, and they introduce "The next President of the United States, Barack Obama!" He came out, thanked everyone that had preceded him, and began his speech. And I felt, well, not really disappointed because I don't think I had really high expectations. But, I expected more. He gave a really safe speech that I believe you probably would have seen from any of the Democratic candidates. Hope for the future, America wants change, we never should have gone to war, blah blah blah. He certainly didn't say anything I disagree with, but there were no revelations. I was promptly reminded following his speech that we are still 18 months out and that it's doubtful that the candidates want to show their hands this early in the race. That makes sense. I've read some articles by Obama's advisors on issues such as the healthcare crisis, and I've really liked what they've had to say. I think if these are the kinds of guys that have Obama's ear, he may be a really great candidate. I just think he's going to need to be a little more charismatic to gain the attention of the majority. There's plenty of race yet to be run, and I'm confident that he'll improve. My big fear is that Hilary Clinton, despite her qualifications, will be unable to win the election. I just don't think she can win. The Democratic nomination seems to be pretty much between her and Obama, so I'm rooting for Obama. I just want a Democratic candidate who can win. We'll see what happens though.

After Obama, we went to trivia night at Innisfree. As usual, our team didn't really know many of the answers and we just battled to stay afloat amidst the teams with 12 people. An even dozen really seems to be the key to full knowledge coverage. You get 12 people, there's always going to be at least one person with an inkling of what the stupid answer is. Next Monday is my last night at trivia. If you're in town, feel free to come and help fill the team out. We need warm bodies. And there's cold beer. You really can't beat that. :) Laters!

Why Everyone Needs a Blog

2007-07-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

Coworker: "Speaking of food, we have to take a break from Rojo. Remember how we got lunch from there on Wednesday? I think I had a bad batch of chicken burrito. After you left the office, I got deathly ill. I felt *horrible* but I was on second call, so I couldn't leave. I sat in my office hunched over a trash can the rest of the day. I finally gave in at about 4:30. I went into the command center, told them I had to go home, and I left. Well, about halfway home, I realize I have to go to the bathroom. I mean *go* to the bathroom. But I think I can make it to the apartment. So, I am swiping my card at the gate, and I lose it. Needless to say, I didn't make it to the bathroom. And that's just the beginning. I get out of the car, completely covered in crap. It's all over my pants, my shoes, everything. Luckily, I'm in scrubs. I get into the apartment, get cleaned up and just decide to throw everything away. I'm too lazy to deal with it, plus it's disgusting. So, I throw my clothes, shoes, everything in a garbage bag, walk out to the dumpster, and throw it out. I get back to the apartment, lay down...and immediately realize that my wallet was in my pants pocket. And that my pants pocket is in the giant apartment complex dumpster. I am angry and sick and now I have to go dumpster diving. So, I walk out of the apartment and head toward the dumpster, and who stops me but that guy who's always outside working on his car. I see that guy all the time, never talks to me. Of course the day that I shit myself and throw my wallet in the dumpster, he wants to share his life story. Sam, I'm serious, he talked to me for 30 minutes. I know everything about him. I finally tell him that I have to go dumpster diving, and HE WANTS TO HELP ME. I didn't really feel like sharing my saga with a total stranger, so I just told him I accidentally threw away my wallet. But I'm having to convince him not to hop in the dumpster with me because I would be totally mortified if this guy climbs in and sees what I'm looking for. I finally talked him out of it."
Me: "Did you actually jump into our dumpster? It's like a 5 foot drop from the platform onto God knows what."
Coworker: "Well, I figured the worst thing I could land on would be a bag of human excrement, and since that's what I was looking for anyway, it would be fine. I found it pretty quickly. Then I had to jump up, grab the rim of the dumpster and claw my way out of there. It was pretty much the worst day of my life."
Me: "You really need a blog."

Experts Realize They Have Too Much Time on their Hands

2007-07-01T20:53:00.001-07:00

Experts Diagnose Harry Potter With 'Probable Migraine'

Highlights include:
...Sheftell's team scrutinized all of J.K. Rowling's published Harry Potter books, looking for references to Potter's headaches. (Really? We needed a team for this?)
...After considering several headache diagnoses, Sheftell's team settled on the diagnosis of "probable migraine." (Because you wouldn't want to commit to an incorrect diagnosis of a literary character.)
...Is their diagnosis correct? The researchers note that migraines may be passed down genetically, but little is known about Potter's birth parents. (Sweet baby Jesus the kid talks to snakes and flies around on a broomstick. Also, he's not real. Augh.)

Listen, I'm as excited about the last Harry Potter book as the next fanatic, but get a grip people.

CB Radio

2007-06-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

This whole moving thing is starting to get to me. I've moved a million times, and I've pretty much gotten it down to an art form. I have boxes that I've repacked so many times, I'm starting to question the wisdom of reusing them again...even if they are that product's original box. The problem is that I am accustomed to local moves. Dad comes up in his Chevy Astro van, I drive my pick-up and in two trips, I am moved. Not so much when you're moving 2000 miles. Two trips becomes a little less feasible.

So, I've rented a Penske truck to drive up to Boston. I probably only need a 12' truck for my stuff (I try not to accumulate too much crap, and what I have accumulated I just cleaned out last week) but I've decided to tow my pickup truck behind the moving truck. Which means that I have to rent a 16' truck because that is what you need to pull something behind you I guess. Meaning that I'll be driving a 16' truck, that is towing another 12' behind it? I'm not that great at distances, but I'd say before it's said and done I'm driving a 30' convoy through the country. Which I had kind of resigned myself to. It'll be fine, it's all interstate, it's all good.

Then yesterday my moving truck packet came in the mail. It included unfathomable instructions for attaching the trailer to the truck, a DVD that shows you how to attach the trailer to the truck (apparently I'm not the only one who didn't understand anything in the brochure), and some rules of the road for driving a freaking semi. One of those rules? Stopping at weigh stations. Huh?? I don't know what to do at a weigh station. And it's not like I'm driving one of the *giant* moving trucks. It's a small one. And it won't even be full since I really don't have that much stuff. So I called the truck place and asked them how serious they were about that part of the booklet. Answer? Pretty damn serious.

"Well, since 9/11 the contents of trucks has been under pretty strict observation. You'll pull into the weigh station, they'll see you're a household move, and 9 times out of 10, they'll just wave you through. You could just drive past the weigh station, but if you do that and get caught there's a pretty heavy fine."

Awesome. So, I'm going to be one step away from a bona fide trucker in about 30 days. Which just leaves me with one question. Where can I score a CB radio?

Letters

2007-06-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

It's been a while and I don't really have much going on, so I thought I'd catch up on my correspondence. Here we go.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dear USAA,
I am planning a cross-country move to a state with regulations out the wazoo. I called you to check on how my car insurance will be affected. You transferred me to the nicest person on the planet, who seemed to be more excited about my move than I was. Does she get a cut of my premiums or something? Because she can have some. She was awesome. I got a quote, I got my insurance changed over effective the date of my move, I got the forms I'll need to register my car, and I even got my renter's insurance switched over. I will not have to make any calls when I get there. Done. And that is fabulous.

According to your website, you've been "Ranked #1 in Customer Service." I think this is the first time I've read something like that and actually believed it. If your office was not in Texas, I would bake you cookies. Such is my love.

Seriously. Love.
Samantha
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Dear Apartment,
I know we've had our ups and downs, and today is no different. Only a month ago I was dreading the loss of you. Your spacious floorplan, your double sinks, your walk-in-for-days closet, and God bless you your 1.5 baths. But then I found new apartment. And I fell in love with it. Not just love. Loooooove. Because it is beautiful. And because hopefully at my new apartment I will not come home to notes stuck in my doorjamb reading:

Dear Resident:

A crime has been perpetrated in our complex. It is our understanding that those responsible have not been identified or apprehended. If you see a crime being committed, please call the police. And then please call our complex office and leave a message. You are responsible for your own safety, and local law enforcement is responsible for aiding in that safety.

Thank you,

Your crappy new management team

First of all, thank you for letting me know that something has happened. It is comforting to know that a mystery crime has been perpetrated and that we have no idea who did it. Phew. What a load off my mind. Seriously, WTF? Was somebody murdered (again)?? Was someone robbed at gunpoint? Is someone having oral sex? (Illegal in Alabama.) Is someone placing squirrels down their pants for the purpose of gambling?? I NEED DETAILS! I leave this complex at all hours of the night. If there's a friendly neighborhood carjacker waiting for me at the gate, I might like to know. Also, is it just me, or does it sound like we're being accused of the crime? I feel as though the letter is less "be safe" and more "admit what you've done, you thugs."

Regardless, you are not making me happy right now. Also, the water constantly being broken is starting to get on my nerves. The whole "they're fixing a leak right now, you're water will be back in two hours" excuse is wearing thin. Pipes shouldn't pop new leaks every two weeks. Also, 2 hours is 120 minutes. Not 3 days. If the pipes have disintegrated, it might be time for new ones. Just a suggestion. Although perhaps you might first catch the squirrel pants gambler. Gotta have priorities.

Sincerely,

Sam

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Dear New Girls at Work,

Thank God we hired you. You're both nurses, you're both intelligent, and you both have made me laugh so much my face hurts. I'm so glad we've finally found some people that may actually be able to do this job without killing anyone or giving the other coordinators ulcers. Already you've picked up more than the last idiot we hired who's been with us six months. You're already asking for your nicknames since we've given everyone in the office unfortunate alter egos. You're hoping you don't end up with a name like the last girl, unfortunately nicknamed "The Big Hurt" because that's what it feels like when you have to work with her all night. Or talk to her for any length of time whatsoever.

Also, a special thank you to the new girl who has already passed out in the OR. Way to pull the heat off of me. At least I was under the influence of chemicals. You just passed slam out on the floor for no reason. Also, way to recover and suck it up. You stuck it out even though you probably suffered a concussion and two days later your ankle still isn't looking that hot. I will say that you are lucky in that the surgeons didn't notice your floor dive. Waking up to your friend the other trainee coordinator and a nurse or two beats the pants off of waking up to a roomful of surgeons. Now we can tease you about your glucose tablets and suing us for workman's comp. It's good times.

Finally, when I leave I get to pawn off my horrible office duty on someone. I promise not to do that to either of you. I like you way too much for that. Although I will use it as a bargaining chip every day until I leave to get you to do my bidding. Eventually you will know me better though and realize the only option I ever even considered. Of course I'm giving this crap to The Big Hurt.

Thanks for being awesome,

Sam

Tired

2007-06-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

I'm off work today and decided to be as productive as possible. Clean the apartment, take things to Goodwill, figure out what moving truck to rent, and even get new tires put on the truck I plan to drag to Massachusetts like a crippled dog. The last time my truck got new tires was when my parents gave me a set as a high school graduation gift. Which means that I've been on this set of tires since I was 16 years old. That's a good 7 years. Not to say they're all the same. I'm sure they've all been replaced or patched at one time or another. But I decided that since two of those tires are going to be dragged a good 2000 miles, maybe it's time for a new set. I can't imagine changing a flat while the truck is hooked up to a UHaul being fun. At all.

When my parents bought my tires, they got them from WalMart (shocking) and they got them with a lifetime warranty. Meaning that anything other than wear or tear means that I get a free new tire or a free tire patching. Whichever is cheaper for Walmart. Which is the primary reason I haven't had to buy new tires in 7 years (although some tell me that is incredibly debatable and they've been worried about my truck actually just being a glorified sled for a while now.) So it's time to buy new tires and I'm torn. The WalMart tire deal has been awesome. And Massachusetts has Walmarts. On the other hand, WalMart is a huge evil corporation that doesn't pay its workers, give them good benefits, or allow them to unionize if they so desire. They're pretty much a huge part of what is wrong with America. So I hesitate to give them money. But they're so cheap and I am so poor. It's a tough call.

So I caved. And I drove to WalMart. And I sat in my car in the receiving line for literally 30 minutes. Before they figured out that they did not have 4 tires that would hold my truck up. Really? A WalMart in Alabama doesn't have 4 truck tires?? Seriously?? It's all we drive! So, I think it's a sign and I should probably buy tires elsewhere. From...I don't know....a company not owned by Satan. Suggestions welcome :)

Home Sweet Home

2007-06-06T08:57:00.001-07:00

Big news people: I am homeless no longer. Well, not that I was homeless. I was kind of hypothetically homeless in the future sense because finding housing in the Boston area is freaking ridiculous. It's not helped by the fact that I was apartment hunting from 2000 miles away and my on-site evaluator could only go see places during non-work hours. Everytime we would find something nice, I'd make contact with the realtor, and the next time we'd contact them to either confirm the viewing appointment or ask for the address or whatever, they'd say "Umm..yeah..I rented that out an hour ago." People swoop in like vultures. Bastards.

So, yesterday when I got home I did my usual 426th visit to Craigslist for the day. Lo and behold, a *gorgeous* house was listed on the same street as the last house that we loved and was brutally taken from us. So, I called the number on the listing. The owner of the house said that she had not been feeling well that day and so had arranged showings with everyone that called about the property (5 separate people since it had been listed at 10 that morning) for the next day. However, she was feeling better and if I could come see it early in the evening, she'd be happy to show it. I sent Tom over there with a mission. If the place is nice, get it. Get it right then and there because there are 5 people waiting to get it tomorrow.

Well 5 mystery people, I have one word for you: SUCKAS!!!

In 45 days I will live in that house. In not Alabama. A 3 minute drive from my boyfriend's house. I have swooped. And it's awesome.

This Little Piggie

2007-05-26T14:09:00.000-07:00

Ate a busload of kids?

Seriously. Apparently this thing was running around in the woods in Alabama. My parents' house is surrounded by woods. I went hunting with my father once and he told me that we had to watch for wild boars. I had NO idea that this is what he was talking about.

Because I would never have set foot outside the house again.

Stop. Hammertime.

2007-05-23T00:28:00.000-07:00

From the Decatur Daily News:

"Armed with pepper spray and a hammer, a man allegedly sprayed a female employee Thursday afternoon during the robbery of a local pawn shop.

The investigator said the man entered A-1 Title Pawn on U.S. 72 at 3:38 p.m.

"He sprayed the employee and demanded money. She screamed and ran next door."
The investigator said the man then allegedly grabbed an undisclosed amount of money and "took off running." The employee received medical treatment at the scene.
Witnesses gave police a description of the man, which helped patrol officers locate him within 15 minutes.

Police transferred the man to the Limestone County Jail on $35,000 bond. He is charged with first-degree robbery. "

And later the local CBS affiliate shared with us his further exploits:

"Athens police have arrested a 25-year old Huntsville man who is accused of bribing the woman he robbed and pepper sprayed in June.
Investigators say the man telephoned his victim and offered to put money in her bank account if she would not prosecute.
The man tells a different story, saying he wanted to give her the money for a security system at her business.
He is charged with bribery."

I guess he wanted to buy her a security system so that he wouldn't be tempted to rob her at hammer-point again?

It's stuff like this that makes me really glad I broke up with him.

Fond Memories

2007-05-10T21:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight was my downstairs neighbor/coworker/friend's birthday. So, C and he and I went out for dinner and drinks.

Scene: Sitting on the restaurant patio. A man walks out onto the patio and sits at a table behind me, but still in plain view of C and S.
C: "That's him! That's the lawyer who I had a big crush on and sent you a link to his picture and you said he was ugly!"
Me: "Oooh. Yeah, that dude is hideous."
S: "What are you talking about?"
Me: "C has a crush on that big ugly dude over there."
C: "His wife used to work with you guys."
Me: "Really? Who?"
C: "You're the one that told me she worked there!!"
Me: "I have no idea who you're talking about."
S: "What's her last name?"
C: "B******"
S: "Oooh, yeah, I remember Jen B****. She was the one in the lesbian tryst!"
C: "HUH??! Samantha why didn't you tell me about this?!?"
Me: "I didn't tell you about that? Wow. Yeah, that's a good story."
S: "So, Jen was married, but she also thought she might be a lesbian. And we had this other chick in the office, K, who definitely was a lesbian. So, she and Jen had a little one night stand, but then Jen decided she didn't want to do that anymore so she kind of broke up with K the next day at work."
C: "I can't believe you didn't tell me this."
Me: "I forgot. Sorry."
S: "K was crazy, and did not take it well. In fact, she reached out and started choking Jen. Jen starts waving her arms trying to get anyone to help her. She finally breaks free of K and starts running toward [our boss's] office. But, K tackles her and hangs on to her legs. At this point, Jen is screaming our boss's name, dragging K along the floor going to the boss's office."
C: "Why aren't you guys helping her?!?"
S: "Are you kidding? By this point we were all sitting around eating popcorn! Who's gonna break up something *this* good? So, the boss finally comes out of his office and when he does, K runs back to her office, locks the door, and takes a massive dose of painkillers. We had to get the fire department and ambulance to come get her and take her to the hospital. She was fine, but we also had to hire a bodyguard for Jen for about a month because K had sent her threatening letters."
C: "Nice."
S: "The weird thing is, I thought Jen's husband was a nurse."
C: "No, he's a lawyer, but they're divorced."
S: "No, Jen's still married. We must not be talking about the same person. Are you sure about the last name?"
C: "No, but Samantha said she worked with you guys. Remember Samantha? You said she sucked at her job and everybody hated her?"
Me: "Oh! You mean Stephanie P****!"
C: "Yes! That's her name!"
S: "Oh. That's not a good story. She was just ugly."

The Bermuda Triangle

2007-05-09T18:51:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't posted a lot lately because much like Adina, I've been busy. Busy with life and busy with attempts at making life-changes. I haven't really wanted to write about anything, because in the past I've gotten really excited about big changes, and then they haven't worked out. And then everyone who knew would ask me what happened and I'd have to explain over and over again why I was not currently practicing medicine, living in New York, or training helper monkeys. Pretty much taking inventory of my broken dreams. I've stayed in Alabama, I'm working in a job I enjoy but with crazy management and little chance at advancement any time in the near future, and I don't currently own any monkeys. Also, my boyfriend lives 3,000 miles away. The situation is *not* ideal.

But I have been working to rectify that.

When I first got out of graduate school, I applied for tons of jobs for which I was not qualified in a desperate attempt to flee the state that holds people in its clutches until they die or all their teeth fall out. Whichever comes first. Alabama has never been very high on my list of places to live. Granted, I live in Birmingham, and it's really not terrible. There are lots of intelligent, well-meaning people here...it just seems as though nothing much ever changes. Sure, newer Wal-Marts crop up now and again, but other breakthroughs are few and far between. I do a job that I love in a place that sets the benchmark for how poorly said job can be accomplished in the nation. And I have the best friends I can imagine ever having...and I will miss them terribly.

Because I'm moving on. Today I accepted a new job. This new job entails doing only the parts of the job that I truly love, and none of the crap that I hate. I will not be zipping around in rocket-propelled paper towel tubes in the middle of the night. I will not be sitting in an office all day doing nothing. I will not be wasting my talents spending my day playing the "see if you can get a coworker to stare at someone's broke-over ass by pointing at it and saying hey is that yours?" game. (Btw, I totally suck at that game.) Instead I will be doing clinical management. I will be writing research papers that will hopefully be published in clinical journals. I will be taking call from home. I will be working with an organization that leads the nation in my field. And I will be doing a ton less work for a ton more money.

I will also be living within a 50 mile radius of my boyfriend. Because my new job is in Boston. I've already gone apartment hunting, and have hopefully found a place (assuming said place wasn't rented in the 3 weeks it's taken for me to get this job solidified.) I cannot describe to you how I feel about this. I will be living in Boston. An honest-to-God city. With people. And little blue penguins. And mass transit. And itty bitty expensive apartments (wtf Boston?) And baseball. Lots of baseball. :)

I've been waiting for this for a really long time. And now that it's happened, it's incredibly surreal. I can't imagine not living in Alabama. I can't imagine not being able to hop in the car and go hang out with my family. I can't imagine not being around for the next crazy-ass thing that C does and not having P come and fall asleep at my apartment after her exams. I'm going to miss the terrible food at El Cazador with R and S (although I'll miss the margaritas more.) And I really will have to pinch myself when seeing Tom doesn't include changing planes in Baltimore. But I'm excited to have my friends visit. I'm excited that I'll be able to be the reason that my sisters hop on an airplane for the first time in a decade (and for Jo, the first time ever.) Most of all, I'm excited to start a path in my life that isn't a compromise. That isn't short-term. That isn't just something I'm doing until something better happens.

I'm starting fresh. I'm going new places. I'm meeting new people. Oh, and in my new job I will occasionally have to traverse the Bermuda Triangle. (No joke.)

Welcome to my new life. It's going to kick ass.

The Moral of the Story Is....

2007-05-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Today at work I had to sit through a presentation about disease transmission. Topics covered included high risk behavior and its effect on transmission rates of various diseases, how to physically assess a patient for communicable disease, and how to identify various gang tattoos. My job is complicated.

So, for your education, a highlight of the presentation.

Estimated Per-Act Relative Risk for an Individual without HIV to acquire HIV, Based on Risk-Act and Condom Use:

Sex Act/ Relative Risk of Acquiring HIV

Insertive Fellatio (giver) = 1

Receptive Fellatio (receiver) = 2

Insertive Vaginal Sex (giver) = 10

Receptive Vaginal Sex (receiver) = 20

Insertive Anal Sex (giver) = 13

Receptive Anal Sex (receiver) = 100

--------------------------------------------------------

Condom Use:

Yes = 1

No = 20

The risks are almost double for the receptive partner than that of the insertive.

Finally a study proving once and for all that 'tis better to give, than to receive.

Interview

2007-04-30T15:47:00.000-07:00

So I'm doing this interview thing via Tom's blog. His instructions to me were to answer the questions in order, without reading ahead. Here we go.

1. Who is your favorite superhero, and why?
Wolverine. Because he's played by Hugh Jackman. Plus the ability to survive a gunshot wound to the head is bad-ass.

2. You're an evil genius bent on world domination - what do you call the legitimate business entity used as a front for your evil organization?
Hmm...I dunno. Something like LifePlus or SurgiPro...because we will manufacture something used in surgery. I could afford to *buy* the world if I could just invent something used in surgery. Seriously. That's my goal. Just one tiny piece of plastic that's used in a common surgery. Appendectomies, tonsillectomies, gastric bypass, or CABG. I would be a gajillionaire.

3. (a) Name six of your closest friends or family members.
C, P, Bear, Scott, Richard, Brett

3. (b) If you and those six people were stranded in a desolate wasteland (tundra, glacier, iceberg, desert, savanah, Kansas), who would you eat first to stay alive?
(haha kansas) Probably Brett.

3.(c) How did you choose?
He's the meatiest.

4. Given the current state of the crude oil market, increasing threat of hostile nations arming for nuclear war, current shortage of blood and organ donors, and advances in computer technology, which of the following scenarios do you think the most likely: The Postman, Road Warrior, The Matrix, or,Terminator?
I'm tempted to go with "The Postman" because that's the only occupation which is currently available. Although with email that position is probably not the wave of the future. And soon we won't be able to afford gas so lets rule out "Road Warrior." Also, Arnold looks like hell. Lets go with "The Matrix." Because it's an awesome movie (And it's the only one of the choices that I've actually seen/know anything about.) Although to survive in that much leather we'll probably need some sort of nuclear winter to happen first. I'm sitting in Alabama in a tank-top, shorts, windows open and a fan blowing on me. I couldn't imagine wearing some skintight vinyl number at the moment.

5. What is the most crucial public health issue facing the global population in the next decade?
Really depends on what you're talking about. Developed or developing nations? Elderly populations? The young? There's a ton of different stuff. If you're an old person in the US, it might be drug-resistance. If you're a 25 year old woman in Africa, it might be AIDS. Depends on the situation.

5. (optional clarification): Facing the US? Facing Africa? Europe? China?
Haha...see, this is where the reading ahead would have been helpful. :-p
Facing the US, I would still want to break it down into subcategories but without going too deep I would have to go with drug resistance and obesity. It's a huge web of interconnected problems spanning in all directions. Doctors overprescribe antibiotics, but they're forced to because if they miss treating a bacterial infection they'll get sued, and they're already paying malpractice premiums that are so high they're discouraging people from practicing medicine blah blah I could go on for days. The other big thing in the US is obesity. People are looking at it as an aesthetic problem, and a personal problem. People shouldn't be fat, it's their own fault for getting that way, we shouldn't have to spend money on educating people about this because it's their own fault. The thing is, even assuming those things are true, the US public suffers the consequences. Overweight and thin alike. We're all paying increased health care costs because hospitals are having to buy special equipment for these patients. It's much better to pay for prevention than the gajillion dollars in healthcare costs overweight people accumulate through the variety of comorbid conditions and procedures that result from their condition.
Facing Africa, the big thing is HIV/AIDS. But that too is a result of a number of equally important conditions. Malnutrition, poverty, social norms, these things all work together to create an environment in which the disease can thrive. AIDS in Africa is no different than AIDS in the US or Europe or South America. The difference is the way its been dealt with. Seriously thinking about Africa makes me cry. So I'm moving on.
I'll assume Europe has a lot of the same problems as America public-health wise. I haven't done a lot of research into their situation.
China is eventually going to have a reproductive health crisis if they keep up their social norms of aborting female children. Their attempts at population control are going to eventually lead to a shortage of females with which to procreate. You're going to end up with mail-order brides that may have been prostitutes in the past (VD), mail-order brides that don't have STDs but still end up being the victims of abuse (studies have shown them to be a high-risk group for that type of thing), and those men that can't afford to buy a bride and end up as very sexually frustrated young men wandering around with too much testosterone in their system (increased violence and sexual assault rates.) Hopefully they'll fix that before it becomes a huge problem.

5. (bonus): How do we stop it?
Public health education. In all of these situations we need a plan, we need people to execute, and sweet baby Jesus do we need funding. Even in the US, where we spend more money on healthcare than anything else, we don't put any money into public health. We've got all these advanced treatments and world-renowned surgeons and what's billed as the best healthcare in the world. If bird-flu broke out right now, we would be completely screwed. We have NO public health infrastructure, no funding. "Oh, but we have a great health department blah blah blah." No you don't. The majority of health departments in the US are staffed by people that know nothing about public health. They know you should eat healthy and wash your hands. And that's why the US has these public health problems. The government is unwilling to pay money to qualified people. I have a master's degree in public health and every one of us in that school knew that we were not there for the money. Cause there's none to be had. Unfortunately it's going to take a major crisis in US health for somebody to step up and call for the funding we need to build a system that works. We'll see what happens.
Africa, God love them, doesn't have the money to spend. So there are tiny little satellite efforts at public health education. And don't get me started on Africa's inability to afford antiretrovirals. All I will say is that the CEOs of some of these US pharmaceutical companies are going straight to hell. Also, I love Brazil.
Seriously I could talk about public health all day. I'm going to cut myself off. But if any of you end up in government positions, remember. We need public health. Badly.

Want to play along? Rules of the game:
1. Send an email saying, “Interview me”, or words to that effect.
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions of my choosing.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You have to include this explanation, and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions...

Ramblings

2007-04-12T03:22:00.000-07:00

My shift ends at 7 AM. Which means that I will have been awake for 24 hours in another hour and a half. Which also means that I'm at that point in the day when everything is fascinating to me. And I think deep thoughts.

- If you were a chocolate bunny, would you eat yourself? My answer would be yes. A coworker brought everyone a chocolate bunny for Easter. I ate mine straight out of the office mailbox. At 8 AM. Then I ate my office-mate's bunny because he didn't want it. 5 minutes later. If I were made of chocolate, I'm pretty sure I'd eat myself. Couldn't help it.
- I could probably wallpaper my living room with Hershey's kisses wrappers. Every Valentine's Day my father buys me a "tin" of assorted Hershey's chocolates. And by "tin", I mean "drum." And by "drum" I mean, "suitable for reuse as a missile silo." It's literally at least 10 pounds of assorted candy. By 2 weeks in, it's a tin of Hershey's kisses. Because the Krackles, Mr. Goodbars, Reese's Cups, and Dark Chocolate Minis don't make it very long. Search and destroy babay. So I've taken it upon myself to eat all the chocolate before I move. Because everyone's gotta have goals. So, I have a drum of chocolate by the couch and a jar of peanut butter on the coffee table. Because Hershey's kisses are only acceptable when smothered in peanut butter.
- The "Great American Country" channel is somehow watchable at 5:30 AM. Maybe that's because I can't really hear anymore. It's more of a buzzing noise.
- Have you ever bought moisturizing bodywash that is *too* moisturizing? I bought some weird bodywash with bodycreme ribbons or something. Sure, my skin is soft and moisturized. But water also beads and deflects off me now. I feel like I've showered with Rain-X.
- Ooh. My car broke. The service engine light came on. My friend told me to get the code read at an express oil place and if it was just a sensor or something, he'd fix it for me. Took it in. "Uh..ma'am? That's not a good code." "Uh huh. What is the code?" "Transmission Component Slipping." "Would that explain the giant clunk emanating from my hood on the way to work this morning? And the kickback everytime I accelerate?" "Um...probably." "So can you fix it?" "You need your transmission rebuilt." "Greeeat." I was contemplating just junking my truck because holy crap it is a piece. But then I realized that my truck is paid for. And even a 2 grand investment all at once is better than starting a car payment. And paying higher insurance rates because my car would actually be worth stealing. So repair it is! Woo! Also, I blame all my auto woes on starting a savings account. I've never had problems I couldn't afford to fix. Which amounted to having no problems cause I couldn't afford to fix them anyway. I guess they were right. Mo' money, mo' problems.
- C got burgled. Again. I don't want to say much because I don't want to jinx myself. But she gets burgled more than anyone I know. I think it stems from owning things worth burgling. My robbers would be greeted by a $25 DVD player and a really heavy non-plasma television. Here's the other thing. C has a rottweiler. A ROTTWEILER. And she has been robbed twice in the past year. Robbers have walked into her house. And the dog didn't eat them. Ridiculous. Of course, the robbers this time were a little smarter. They brought barbeque and fed it to the dog. I think C should start pricking her finger to train the dog to develop a taste for blood. Of course, I guess that's step one in dying alone and being eaten by Alsatians. But whatever. If I'm losing my tv, you're losing a limb.

Okay, back to working. And country music television. Laters! :)

Hippitus Hoppitus

2007-04-10T15:20:00.000-07:00

So Easter has once again come and gone. And once again my family has found new and exciting ways to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. You know, with three-legged races and Easter muggings. Yeah. That's how we roll.

So, I went down to my parents' house on Good Friday with the intention of making it home in time to go to service and watch Jo do her altar serving thang. Mistake #1. I will never ever again in the course of my time on this earth attend the Good Friday service again. I've had times where I haven't paid attention in church. I've never had a time where I prayed for mass to end so I could go drink heavily. Holy crap that is a long and ridiculous service. We must have kneeled 420 times. We had to listen to the worst choir in the world sing a capella. My father (genius) stepped out of the service about 20 minutes into it and went to sit in the car. Apparently he "wasn't feeling well." Dude, no one was feeling well at the one hour mark. About ten minutes after Dad left, Mom went "to go check on him" adding "suckas!" on her way out. The girls and I were in the service for another hour. By the time it was over, I just didn't want to feel anymore. So, I went bowling with Bear and a couple of her friends. And I drank. And it was good.

The next night it was time to start the Easter celebration. Egg-dying babay. I'm usually not big on artsy-craftsy things. Because I suck at them. And because art is Jessica's job. But Jessica wasn't home, so we did our best. Meet our tribe of eggs. Including Bob Marley. And Larry.The next day my mother tried to eat Larry at breakfast. So I was forced to wear him in a holster around my neck. The Easter bunny brought everyone baskets (he also brought me a ring-pop), and it was time for the Easter egg hunt. Last year my father tied our legs together and made us hop around our enormous yard in the desperate search for chocolatey goodness. This year, Dad decided to tie our legs to one another. I have no idea why every Easter egg hunt is bondage-themed at my house, but it's a good time nonetheless. So, Dad tied us together for the hunt. Jess and Jen, Bear and I, and Mom and Jo.

My father had told me before the hunt that the best eggs were in the front yard. So Bear and I struck out toward the front. Every egg we picked up was empty. We were picking up the stupid empty eggs when we noticed Jess and Jen were also in the front, picking up eggs that probably weren't empty. We thought it best to slow them down. So, we started throwing the eggs back in the yard. And then we started finding eggs filled with stuff, emptied the eggs into our bag, and then threw them back into the yard empty. This made the hunt a lot more amusing. We ended up with quite a few eggs, and some bruised legs. We went to sort through the booty and noticed Mom and Jo wandering around the yard with a bag bulging with eggs. The obvious solution to this disparity? Easter mugging. We ran up behind Mom and Jo, pushed them down a hill, and stole their bag of eggs. Of course, stopping to photograph my Mom dragging poor little Jo down the hill.

The mugging was successful, but there was a casualty. My mother crushed poor Larry. RIP.

In the end, we pooled the Easter candy. And I stole the household's supply of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. Because they are the best Easter candy. Ever. We went to Easter mass (which wasn't anywhere near as unbearable as the Good Friday non-mass) and I came back to Birmingham Sunday night. And ate peanut butter eggs. And it was goooood. :) I love Easter.

Running

2007-04-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the infrequent posting as of late. I would tell stories about how I've been really busy and work has been crazy and I've joined the crusade to save the endangered animals, but all of those things would be equally far-fetched. I've been doing nothing. Work has been crazy slow. And the closest I've come to helping the endangered animals is signing up for a 5K Zoo Run that is incidentally a fundraiser for elephants. Although I'm pretty sure the funds are to capture an elephant and bring him to the Birmingham zoo. Which I wouldn't consider helpful to its plight. It would probably rather have its tusks made into tribal nosepieces than have to spend the rest of its days being fed peanuts by Mountain Brook soccer moms and their spawn. But whatever. I get a t-shirt. So, in lieu of having anything interesting to post about, I thought I'd update you on my 5K training.

You see, I don't exercise. So, a 3 mile run is something I have to train for two months to complete. Which is ridiculous, but c'est la vie. The thing about running is this: it is wicked boring. There's nothing to do but run. And if you're on a track, there's nothing to look at. At least on a trail there are some trees or something...occasionally people pass you and you can notice how their shorts are riding up in the middle and self-consciously think about the fact that yours are probably doing the same. It's all about staying awake. And not thinking about how your heart has been forced to pump body through your blood at an alarming rate for the last 3/4 of a mile. I've found that the best way to get through this arduous task is to listen to music. And to do lamaze. But the music is important too. So, for you aspiring runners (read: people that walk with feeling because I think that's really a more accurate description of what I do) I present (in no particular order cause I listen to it on shuffle): my "Running" playlist.

1. "Kerosene" by Miranda Lambert. Yes, I realize this is a country song. Regardless, I love to listen to it because the last time I heard it was riding in the car with my sisters. There's nothing better than listening to my four sisters sing an angry chick country song in perfect unison. Especially when I realize Bear is singing about her recently dumped boyfriend, and Jo (the 11 year old) is probably thinking about the little boy who "cheated" on her. His name was Jimmy Dean. I think it's safe to let that one go.
2. "Wannabe" by...wait for it...The Spice Girls. Again, it's good to have music that makes you laugh while you run. I first heard the Spice Girls when my *father* bought their cassette back when I was in jr. high. I got in the van, he popped it in the deck, and my sisters and I were sold. What possessed my father to buy this tape while at the store by himself is something that I've been afraid to ask and may never know, but we wore that thing out. Also, there were five spice girls, there are five girls in my family. Of course we broke every song down into parts and sang with feeling. I'm not going to lie to you. :-p
3. "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira. Great great great song. I actually knew the song way before it was a radio single. You see, it was originally performed by another band for the "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights" soundtrack. And since I own that movie and its soundtrack...I knew it pretty well. But Shakira's version is better. The only problem with this is that it's hard not to dance to...and it's even harder to dance and run. Stupid running.
4. "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. I have harbored an enduring hatred of Avril Lavigne ever since Raine Maida of Our Lady Peace produced one of her albums and let her move into his house during the production. But I've moved past it. Mainly because OLP kind of sucks now, and because Raine Maida looks more and more like Kevin Federline everyday. So, I've decided to give her a chance. It's a catchy song with a quick beat, I'm totally into it. Also, for all those who say she sold out, her biggest song was "Sk8ter Boi." Seriously? What did she sell out? The 13 year old instant message constituency?
5. "Runaway Love" by Mary J. Blige and Ludacris. I could run to this song all day. The beat is perfect for the speed at which I run (i.e. it's perfect for walking.) It's kind of depressing I guess, but Mary J. Blige has a beautiful voice. She's an amazing singer. A guy at work gave me a copy of her last album...I'm a fan.
6. "Jerk it Out" by The Caesars. A great tempo for people that actually run. This is the only song I found on an iMix that I liked. Good stuff.
7. "Cupid's Chokehold" by Gym Class Heroes. I was introduced to this song when my sisters were grounded for watching the video on YouTube. Catchy song, cute video. I especially like the dancing cupid. I just realized that if I had a video iPod, I could run and watch television. And here I am looking at scenery like a sucker. Geez.
8. "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" by Fallout Boy. A good song for the last mile. When you're angry. The swearing can be your own little anthem.
9. "I'm Shipping up to Boston" by Dropkick Murphys. From "The Departed" sountrack. This song is kickass for so many reasons. The music is awesome, the lyrics are about a peg-legged sailor, the tempo is fantastic, and it reminds me that I am soon getting the hell out of Alabama. Talk about a motivator. Awesome song.
10. "Turtleneck Coverup" by Ozma. That video is a terrible version of the song, but the album version is great. You should download it.

I've probably got another 10-15 songs on the playlist. I might do another installment of blogging about it, but probably not since the rest are a lot of songs from the same artists. A few Arctic Monkeys songs, a bunch of Old 97s, Flogging Molly, Scissor Sisters, and Gwen Stefani. Going "running" again tonight. Luckily it's cooled down a bit. Running in 90 degree weather and 80 percent humidity kind of sucked. Apparently next Thursday night is a pub run. That's more like it. Laters :)

I've Got People Skills!!

2007-03-28T14:38:00.000-07:00

So I don't really have anything to blog about...but I don't want my blog to circle into oblivion like so many dead goldfish. So, here's the insignificant stuff that's going on :)

I get to attend "People Skills Training" next month! Woo! Rumor has it that this is in direct response to one of our coordinators going bat-shit crazy at an emergency room when his ex-girlfriend had her CAT scan read by a veterinarian rather than a physician. First of all, don't get your knickers in a twist. Maybe they thought they'd actually scanned a cat. Or maybe this vet was an MD as well. No matter what, I would assume the hospital contracts this service with him because he knows what he's doing. I do not believe this to be a valid excuse for throwing chairs in the waiting room or pinning an ER physician to a wall. Also, I don't understand why the rest of us have to be punished with a four-hour training session on professionalism. Especially since he wasn't even at work when it happened. The official stance was that we are in a job where we represent our organization 24-7, whether we're working or not, no matter where we are. Which is ridiculous, but whatever. I just hope no one finds the publicly posted picture of my co-worker and I dancing drunk on top of a bar. I'm pretty sure that kind of thing isn't included in the mission statement. :-p
My laptop caught a virus. I had our IT guy at work fix it. Of course, my definition of "fix it" is to remove the virus. His version is to remove everything, reinstall only things work-related, and then refuse to reinstall anything I might need to have fun on this laptop. No Flash...I can't even see the little clock in my blog's sidebar. No YouTube videos. I might crumple up and die soon.
S and I went to C's house last night and watched "Happy Feet." If you haven't seen it, you should. It's adorable. And it has a nice environmental message too. Of course, it'll make you want to shoot yourself for having ever eaten a fish and stolen from the mouths of penguins. But then you think about sushi and glory in the fact thatyou're higher up in the food chain. Because sushi is the best.
While at C's house last night, we made a DiGiorno Four-Cheese pizza. Pulled it out of the oven, and we can't find her pizza cutter. No problem, just give me a knife and a cutting board. She hands me a serrated steak knife and points to the rack the pizza's sitting on. "I can't cut it with this, on that!" "Ugh. I don't want to pull out a cutting board. Can't we just use scissors?" "Huh?" "I think it'll work." C cut the pizza into slices with a pair of scissors. It totally worked. Apparently laziness is the mother of invention.

Today I have to clean my apartment. We'll see if that happens. :-p

Where Do Babies Come From?

2007-03-22T15:53:00.000-07:00

It's something in the water...yet another coworker is pregnant. This girl is married to a minister, and already has a little four-year-old son. Apparently they've been hoping to make an addition to their family for quite some time, so I'm really happy for them. Their son, on the other hand, isn't quite sure what to think. My coworker was telling us that about six months ago, he was pretty gung-ho about the idea of a little brother.

"Mom, I want a baby brother."
"Well, we have to pray to God for you to have a little brother."
"Oh...wanders off...comes back...I know! I'll ask Santa Claus to bring me one!"
"Well, no honey. That's not quite how it works. You have to ask God to bring us one."

So, he wanders off again. She finds him later sitting at his little table writing a letter.

"What are you doing honey?"
"Writing a letter to get a little brother."
"Who are you writing to?"
"The Justice League."

Now that he knows about the newbie, they've spent the past few nights convincing him that the Justice League will not be dropping off a baby. They tried to tell him exactly what happens (to a four-year-old level) and they've decided to go with what they've got. That at Christmas-time his parents will be buying a baby from the hospital.

Apparently his Mother and Batman don't have that kind of relationship.

What's the Buzz?

2007-03-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

For the past few days I've been holed up in my apartment, laying on the couch in my pajamas, watching movies and television. Drinking orange juice by the gallon and turning occasionally to redistribute the snot swirling around in my sinuses. Because nothing cures a cold like lying in front of the television snuggled up with a giant teddy bear, drinking orange juice, and watching "The Little Mermaid" like you were 4 years old all over again. (Actually, something might cure a cold better because I'm still totally stuffed up and miserable, but I don't know what it is so I'll go with what I have. I'm definitely up for suggestions though.)

So, all this time I'm sitting in here, I'm hearing this whining/buzzing noise. It's coming from outside, and it's kind of high pitched, but it isn't constant. The tone goes up and down. I assumed someone was doing construction. Maybe they had circular saws set up in the parking lot? Or maybe the crazy mechanic neighbor with the attack dog had gotten some tools and was pretending to be a member of Jeff Gordon's pit crew? I didn't know where it was coming from, but it wasn't close enough to make me think someone was trying to tunnel into my apartment (another of my ideas) so I decided not to worry about it. The weather outside today was sunny and gorgeous (hit 75 degrees) and I assumed people were outside and if someone were assembling some kind of nuclear warhead in the parking lot, surely one of my elderly neighbors would call the police. I was also a little worried that the buzzing noise was in my head because of my cold. Or that it was killer bees. Always a big concern.

So this evening I'm sitting here watching SVU. And the noise begins again. And it's really loud, and it's getting dark. It continues and I think, "Surely there's some clause in the lease that says you can't operate electric lathes in the parking lot after dark." I finally shoehorn myself off the couch to figure out what the hell has been going on for the past week. Are you ready for this? Drumroll please...

It's an RC car. Some kid got a little RC car and is *racing* it up and down the parking lot pretty much from the time he gets home from school to the time his mother calls him in for dinner.

I worry that I'm going to end up one of those old people shaking my cane and yelling for those kids to stay off my lawn. Seriously. I'm bothered by the noise from an RC car. What am I going to do when I move back into a city? It's gonna be interesting.

Frustrated

2007-03-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

I woke up feeling sick this morning. Again. I'm pretty sure that my workplace is a breeding ground for sinus infections, influenza, strep throat, and bubonic plague. I have once again contracted at least one of these. Just in time to be on call all weekend. So, since today's my day off, I decided to go to the store and stock up on supplies. News flash: Simply Orange is God's gift to orange juice. That stuff is delicious.
To get home from the store, I have to enter the gates of my apartment community. That's right...I live in a gated community. I'm pretty sure the gates are there to keep all the thugs inside the complex. But whatever. There's someone in front of me blocking the gates. And I can see him digging around in his car. He's paying absolutely no attention to anything except his desperate search for what I can only assume to be a sandwich or some kind of herpes ointment. What else could be that pressing? In any event, after patiently waiting five minutes, I decided to alert him to my presence with my car horn. I press the horn. Nothing happens. I LAY on the horn. Nothing happens. Welcome to stage 431 of my poor truck falling apart. At this rate I'll have to buy a new car before the year's out. Because I have a mighty need for a working horn.
The guy finally pulls through the gate. I make it home. Walk in the door with the intention of drinking orange juice, taking tylenol sinus, and eating some lunch. I pull out the hummus mix and start chopping up pita and celery. Get the measuring cup, turn on the faucet, and nothing happens. Because the water in my building is turned off. Or has dried up. Either way, I was given no notice of the impending drought and now can not make hummus. Stupid apartment complex.

I'll also probably lose my basketball bracket. Which sucks, because wagers were placed in cake.

And I love cake.

A Shot in the Arm

2007-03-08T16:15:00.000-08:00

When we're in the operating room, there are several medications that we give the patient to increase organ function. They have varying effects, blah blah blah. One drug that we give is a vasodilator. Meaning that it expands the blood vessels and resultingly lowers blood pressure. Most of these vasodilators are given IV. However, when donating certain organs, we inject a vasodilator straight into the artery we want to dilate. It is my job to draw this drug up into a syringe. It is also my job to be really careful when I do this.

So, today, I was in the OR. I was drawing up the vasodilator. But rather than in a vial like we usually have, it's in one of these old fashioned glass vials that relies on the surface tension of the drug to keep it from running down your arm. And since I'm not experienced with these vials, I don't know how to keep it from running down my arm. Long story short, here's what happened.

There are 4 surgeons, 3 nurses, 2 anesthesthesiologists, 5 nursing students, and the other coordinator and I in the OR. Everyone's busy...either operating or watching the operation. I'm drawing up drugs. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor. Of an operating room. With 4 surgeons hovering over me, the other coordinator and a nurse propping my head and feet up, and all the nursing students crowding around trying to figure out what the hell happened. I look over and there's a needle in my hand.

Guess what happened! I was drawing up a potent vasodilator, got it all over my arm, absorbed it through my skin, and lost enough pressure to pass out on the operating room floor.

Because I am a professional.

*Seriously. Yesterday mauled by a canine, today unconscious on an OR floor. This stuff doesn't happen to everybody. I kind of wish it didn't happen to me. At least it gives me something to blog about.