Dodgeball: The Bitter End

It was the play-offs tonight people. Koro versus The Mighty Mitos (worst team-name ever.) Also known as "Napoleon's team." We hate these people. They are the kind of team that wear matching jerseys and headbands, have 20 players but always have the same line-up because they know who the best throwers are, and will try to point out every bit of minutiae from the rules to try to get you out. My team, on the other hand, includes a girl that wears manjamas, a line-up where everyone plays at least once, and a lot of name-calling. We're a rag-tag bunch but we have a lot of fun. So tonight, everyone was there. Including our captain who is a 7-foot tall Iranian-American doctor. Every other night has just been fun, whatever. But tonight we were serious. Not because we wanted to win, but because we wanted to thrash the hell out of this team. We really hate them.

Normally you just play for 40 minutes, but tonight it was best of 5 games. We started playing and the score was 4 to 0. Things did not look good. And then our captain, K, decided to change our strategy. No longer were we going to try to win the game. Rather, we would all try to kill Napoleon. Because such is our hatred. And damn, that was a good strategy. We won the next four games. And tied up the play-off. All through these games we're yelling and screaming and trying our best to intimidate. But the best part was the coaching from K. He was on the sidelines yelling, "Hit that short little Napoleon kid in the blue knee socks!" or "Smack Frankenstein! You can't miss that kid, he's huge!" and best of all "Ignore that little girl that can't throw. You can take her ass out last!" At one point the other team is yelling that my teammates aren't staying in bounds (they were completely right)...our captain just yells "What are you afraid of??!!?"

We're a classy bunch. Very sportsman-like. We ended up losing our final game, so dodgeball season is over. But the important thing is that we went out with dignity. And that we slashed their tires.*

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*No, not really. Although it was discussed at length.