How to tell you've had too much to drink....or not enough.

1. A guy (who you don't know from Adam and who hasn't spoken to you either) irritates you all night making crappy song requests to the band in the bar. So when you see him set his keys down on a table and turn away, you surreptitiously pick them up and throw them across the floor.*

2. You're leaving and start telling the 60-year-old cop at the door that he is "your ho." He cheerily agrees and tells you to have a good night. #

*I'll admit this one was kind of mean, but he found the keys really fast so it wasn't that bad. Then he tried to hit on us while we were leaving and we wished he hadn't found the keys.*

#Before anyone asks, I did neither of these things. But I did laugh about them.#