This Is Why I'm Like This

A lot of my personality came directly from my childhood. Every time I go home, I realize this more and more. Mainly because when I go home, I spend 90% of the time laughing my ass off. I mean, really...to the point of pain, because everything's so frikking hilarious. So, in order to illustrate my point, I will start a new feature entitled "This is why I'm like this" in which I share stories from the past or present involving my family that will help you better understand that I'm completely nuts because I was raised in an asylum. But it was a lot of fun. So, without further adieu.... This is why I'm like this!
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Easter Morning
Everyone but my mother is sitting in the living room in our nice little Easter clothes, waiting for Mom to be ready so we can go to church. So, my youngest sister (9 years old) is sitting there and my father says to her, "Go ask Mom what her ETA is...or I guess ETD cause we need her estimated time of departure." So off goes my sister. She returns about 5 minutes later saying, "Dad, Mom said her STD is pretty quick." So we are all DYING laughing saying, "Did she say her STD was pretty quick??" So she said, "oh, not STD, her EPT." So then my Dad asked if she was sure it wasn't her BVD. Regardless, it was hilarious. My poor little sister...and I guess my poor Mom.
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In the Car
My Dad's driving us home from church on Easter morning. It's about 10 AM and no one has had anything to eat. So my 16-year old sister (a huge smartass) leans forward and sighs, "I wish Mom was driving so I could get home and get something to eat." (This is funny in itself because my mother drives like a bat out of hell, whereas myDad drives like he's been dead for 10 years.) So, rather than respond while we're all laughing, my Dad takes his foot off the gas. He leans waaayy down in the seat so he can barely see over the wheel, and he leans way into the wheel so he's basically steering with his chest. He squints and we're going about 30 miles an hour (in a 55 zone.) Then we approach a stop sign...he rolls down his window (while still on top of the steering wheel going about 15 mph at this point) and SIGNALS WITH HIS ARM out the window. Erin is screaming for him to stop (because she's ever so stylish and easily embarassed.) It was SOO funny.
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Better than TV
We were watching television, but decided to take a break. Because my 9 year old sister is far more amusing. She does this impression of Whoopie Goldberg on "Sister Act" where she sings "Get up offa that thing." Michaela (my sister) sings into her "microphone" (read: hand) while shaking her head, bending over, and squinting like a crazy lady. And belting out "Get up offa that thing" at the top of her lungs. It's amusing as hell.
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These are but a few samples of the strange and amusing events that inevitably take place whenever I visit home. Every member of my family is absolutely crazy, but you will never laugh harder in your life. :) Laters!