Let's Play Some Friggin' Dodgeball!

I joined an intramural dodgeball team today, somewhat warily. I only joined because of immense peer-pressure from my friend. In reality I have a deep abiding fear for big beefy boys mercilessly slinging large rubber balls in my immediate vicinity. But then I got an email from our team captain, and now I'm totally stoked. Here it is, in all it's morale-tastic glory. :)

Dear Ball Dodgers,

To your credit (or regret), you have signed up for the six most amazing weeks of your life. Twelve people now make up team KORO. Together we will battle our way through twenty packs of rapacious monkeys to reach the rapture that is the dodgeball championship. All it will cost you is your sweat, your soul, your sacrifice, and $1.67. Seriously, that's how much we each have to pay to do this intramural gig.

I scanned and will attach, in pdf format in the next email, the rules and regulations of this ridiculously beautiful sport. Try to ignore my scrawl. And don't worry, the numbers written across the pages are not your social security numbers; I already sent those off to my cousin Ahmed in Jersey City.

Read the rules. But just a few main points I'd like to highlight:

1) There are 12 of us, 6 boys and 6 girls. As part of the co-ed rules, we always have to have at least 2 girls playing on the court at all times (there are 6 people to each side in dodgeball). So, given our large numbers, we should always be able to play with a full roster every time. If our team ends up being a bunch of lazy ass slackers (which I suspect it will be) we are allowed to play with only 5.

2) We will be playing Tuesday nights probably. I don't know what time yet. Probably later in the evening, 8PM or so. You can check the schedule on line at students.uab.edu. I think the first game will start next week.

3) I will assume everybody will be coming to each game unless you tell me otherwise. So please tell me if you're not coming. We can only offer up two forfeits before being kicked out of the tournament.

4) Always bring your ID to the games. The games will be on the volleyball courts in the rec center.

5) Really, there is an entry fee of $20 for our entire team for the 6 week season. That works out to $1.67 each. I say, why not each give me $2 and we'll save the extra $4 at the end for a ninja crazy pizza party.

6) Don't know what Koro means? I'll tell you at our first game. Don't care? Well....F#$% YOU!

7) Contact me if you have any questions or need tips on how to throw and catch a ball. My cell number is ***-****.

8) LET'S PLAY SOME FRIGGIN DODGEBALL!!!!!

I'm so ready to beat 20 packs of rapacious monkeys. Dodgeball, here I come.