For Want of a Sandwich

Last night Richard and I went to dinner. We started our odyssey at the Crestwood Tavern. I'd never been there but Richard said they had pretty good sandwiches and we could get a beer. So woo! We get there, order our drinks, and ask for the menu. There aren't many options, but the sandwiches look pretty good. Your options are: ham sandwich, chicken salad sandwich, chicken salad plate, tuna salad sandwich, tuna salad plate, or pimento cheese salad sandwich (don't ask me what this is...I haven't the slightest.) We're poised to order...Richard wanted the chicken salad and I was going to have the tuna salad sandwich.

Richard: "I think we're ready to order."

Bartender: "Before you do that, let me just tell ya, we're out of salad."

Richard: "Which one?"

Bartender: "Anything that contains the word "salad" is gone."

Samantha: "So basically the whole menu?"

Bartender: "Pretty much. We ran out yesterday."

Richard: "In that case, we're going to need a couple more minutes."

Bartender wanders off

How the hell do you run out of 3/4 of the menu the day before and not replace it? Also, it's chicken/tuna salad. How hard is it to whip up a bunch of that daily? When I'm too lazy to cook anything, tuna salad is what I make. Open a can, toss in a spoonful of relish, and a couple tablespoons of mayo. Not difficult people. Riiiidiculous. So we finished our beer and got back on the road. There was a coffee shop/cafe thing in the same shopping center that had pretty good paninis. So, we wander over there.

Coffee Shop Dude (who by the way, looked like he had just come into work from his day job of slaughtering chickens to please Satan): "What'll ya have?"
Samantha: "I'll have the tomato mozzarella sandwich."
CSD: "We don't have sandwiches."
Samantha: "You just had sandwiches a couple weeks ago! Did you run out yesterday?!?"
CSD: "No, we stopped serving them. Now we're just coffee and beer. We have muffins."
Samantha: "Dude...I am so much hungrier than a muffin."
CSD: "Umm...there's a Subway next door."
Samantha: "Fine."

So, we went to Subway.

Richard: "I'll have the..."
Subway girl: "Before you start, let me tell you what I don't have."
Richard: "My God, were the supply lines cut?!? Where's all the food??!?"
Subway girl laughing
Richard: "No, seriously. Please, just tell me what you do have."
Samantha: "And it had better contain the word "salad"."
Subway girl: "We're just out of the parmesan-oregano bread."
Richard: "Damnit! That's what I wanted!!!"
Subway girl looks afraid
Richard: "I'm just shittin' ya girl."

So, we got our sandwiches, kicked it on back to the coffee shop and had beer and watched the Colbert Report. About halfway through our sandwiches the CSD starts closing. While we're sipping our beers, the guy comes over.

CSD: "Hey guys, no rush but we're closing."
Samantha: "Dude...neither of us have cable. It's gonna be a minute."

3 different places to get a damn Subway sandwich and a beer that Richard had in his fridge at home. Oh well. At least we got to watch a little cable :)