She Wore an Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny...well, you know the rest.
So there's a new girl in the office. She's a very outgoing, friendly, funny girl. Right off the bat I liked her. Not "hey, we should go out for drinks and hang out" kind of liking her, more "she's probably going to stir some stuff up...which might entertain me and make the day go faster" kind of liking. Because you see, when I'm not working my butt off all hours of the night, I'm sitting on my duff in the office killing time. Bored out of my socks. And with certain people's lame-o-corporate policies, I am even more bored than usual.
So, new girl. Initially liked her. Moving past that. Not to the point of hating her or anything, just kind of starting to think that she's not that friendly, and kind of not that funny either. She's more....what's a good way to describe it....hmmm...oh yeah. Irritating. See, new girl thinks that she is hot stuff. Literally. Her license plate says "I'm Red Hot." Well, not like that, there isn't space. But she's used some stupid combination of letters to get that message across. She wears 420 pounds of makeup everyday and pretty revealing, tight-fitting clothing. She does this because she is formerly chunky. Apparently Formerly Chunky Girl (FCG) used to weigh over 300 pounds. And she lost about 180 pounds. She says she did it without the benefit of surgery. Hard to believe, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, so good for her.
The reason that I know about her weight loss is that she tells everyone. Fine. It's a great accomplishment...I probably wouldn't go telling everyone, but I can see why someone would. So about a week in, she comes around telling her story to anyone who'll listen, stand still long enough, or is taking in oxygen in her vicinity. FCG likes to talk. And her favorite topic is herself. So she walks up to a group of the guys that I work with. And she has a stack of pictures in her hands.
FCG: "Hey guys! Have you seen my before and after photos?"
Guys who are staring at her (fake) breasts: "No. Are those them?"
FCG: "Sure are. Take a look!"
Guys: "Holy crap girl! You've lost a lot of weight."
FCG: "Yeah. I look a little better now huh?" (fishing for compliment.)
Guys: "Hey! Who's this hottie in the picture?" (knowing good and damn well it's FCG.)
FCG: "Who?!?"
Guys: "This girl in the bikini."
FCG: putting hands on face in a forced expression of shock "Oh! How did that get in there?!?"
Guys: "We don't know, but we're glad it did!"
FCG: with a coy smile "You weren't supposed to see that one." (Suuuuure buddy.)
The thing is, the main room in our office is this soundproof room with glass windows all around. So we have an unobstructed view of the entire office. Meaning I had an unobstructed view of FCG take the same stack of pictures around to everyone else's desks and make the same shocked expression each of the other 3 times the bikini picture was discovered. Jackass.
I don't care if you want to hit on all the guys in the office. Go for it. But could you do it somewhere else? Like, in your office..with the door closed? Or outside...in a bar? Cause when you walk out of the soundproof room they all look at each other and talk about how desperate you obviously are. And it makes me feel a little bit bad for you. And that's not entertaining for me. It's just cringe-inducing.
Not unlike pictures of you in a bikini.
posted by mance01 @ 20:33
7 Comments:
I really want to go for a drink with her. I want to hear her story and watch her show her pictures off. I want to tell her about AJ and how much money he has and set her loose on him. I want to tell her about Chris and see what she can do with him. I want to point Andy out and watch him hit on her.
Wow. I am such a bitch.
It's a sad story really. You would hope that a person who overcame adversity in the way she did would have learned a lesson about true beauty being on the inside, or something like that. No such luck...
blah blah blah beauty on the inside.
I think we're missing the point:
"She says she did it without the benefit of surgery. Hard to believe, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, so good for her."
and then
"(fake) breasts"
benefit of the doubt? riiiiiight.
bitter much? ?:-Þ
Dude. She said she lost the weight without surgery. She does not dispute the fact that she had breast augmentation and surgery to remove excess skin post-weight loss.
Bitter indeed. :-p
whoa, hey there buddy. if you had revealed that in the post I wouldn't have critiqued.
retaliatory much?
Sorry I didn't post her life story. I know for next time ;)
As for retaliatory, I was just trying to clear up any confusion.
Defensive much? :-p
Also, C, she would go drinking with you, but you would not get to ask/tell her any of those things.
Because she would somehow turn everything into a story about herself. Trust me. We were talking about canoeing and somehow ended up talking about her tanning regiment. (Which is disturbing because she is literally orange. I thought it was the 400 pounds of makeup, but apparently her entire body could be mistaken for a carrot.)
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