We Adore You

Today was the first day of consent training at my job. Consent is a huge deal in my line of work. It's also hella hard. Because you're going up to someone who has just (often suddenly and tragically) lost their loved one...and asking them to give you something. Which sucks. You've already lost something, and you've got someone (me) coming up and asking you to willingly give something else. That being said, our boss decided to fly in a group from Seattle to do consent training with us. These people are professional actors, and they are amazing. One of the actresses can just start crying anytime. No provocation. Just tears. It's insane. But these people are a bunch of tree-hugging hippies. Very touchy-feely.

So, the day began:

Bald Guy in Charge: "Okay everyone, before we begin, there's something that I want you all to know. On behalf of the actors and myself I'd like to say this so that it's clear. And you may not want to hear this right now...you may not be able to hear this right now. But I want you to think about it and maybe you'll be able to hear it later.
Samantha's Internal Dialogue: "Um...huh? Hear it later? I can hear him. Who doesn't hear him?" looking around for deaf people
BDiC: "So, we know who you are...and we adore you."
SID: "Huh? Is he stalking us? What the hell is he talking about? How does he know who I am?"
BDiC: "Let me say it again. We know who you are....long awkward pause....and we adore you."
SID: "Is this dude for real? I can't deal with this touchy-feely crap."
BDiC: "We know who you are. And we adore you."
SID: "Oh my God how many times is he going to say this? Adore us? Good lord."
BDiC: "Okay, that being said, let's begin." blah blah blah

And thus began my day. So freakin' weird. Later exercises included bragging about yourself for a full minute (easy when joking, really hard when you're supposed to be serious) and "acknowledging" others...meaning crap like "I see that you're a caring person and I acknowledge you for your compassion...blah blah blah." Then we did an exercise meant to show us the random and sudden nature of death. You had to take three pieces of paper and write the names of three people you care about. Then hold them in your hands while the "grim reaper" wanders around and randomly steals your papers thereby killing your people. All my people got killed. Which kind of sucked...because I never really think of losing these three people all at once. Honestly, I think I'd really lose it if that happened. But, it was just pieces of paper, so we're good.

BDiC: "Those of you that have lost people, how does it feel?"
SID: "Dude. It was pieces of paper."
Stupid Education Girl: "It hurts."
Other Stupid Education Girl: "I really feel more compassion for the donor families now that I understand how it feels to lose someone so suddenly."
SID: "YOU THINK YOU UNDERSTAND DONOR FAMILY LOSS BECAUSE SOMEONE STOLE YOUR PIECE OF PAPER?!?"
Formerly Chunky Girl: "Yeah, it's really sad boo hoo"
SID: "Oh my God is she crying about the papers?!??"

Then we did some role-playing with the actors. I got consent from my family (go me) and it wasn't any problem. Of course, they said that tomorrow we face our "nightmare scenarios." Honestly, my nightmare scenario at this point consists of me having to sit in a room with my stupid coworkers another day. So I guess tomorrow will be my nightmare scenario.

Stupid training.