I Hate Bobby Flay

Some of you already know this, but for those of you that don't...a tirade. I watch a fair amount of Food Network programming. My father used to watch it non-stop when I lived at home and I hated it. I thought as soon as I moved out I would never watch the Food Network again as long as I lived. Turns out, I actually really enjoy a few of their programs. I am an avid fan of Iron Chef...both the Japanese and American incarnations (I think I prefer the Japanese version...although the American version does have Alton Brown...so it's a tough call), any of Alton Brown's shows, and Mario Batali's show (although I have no idea when that comes on...if it's even still on the air.) I watch the shows and have delusions of grandeur about my ability to cook. Then I go and microwave a soy corndog. I have some sort of disconnect with reality. But whatever.

So I like Food Network. For the most part. But I think the very worst thing about the Food Network, is Bobby Flay. I hate him. I hate to look at him, I hate to hear his voice, I hate to think about eating his food. Why such an intense hatred? Well, there are a few reasons:

1. He's a dick. He has this new show "Throwdown" where he goes and challenges people at making their specialty dishes. Some guy has awesome chowder, he goes over and challenges him to some sort of chowder showdown. He makes his chowder, other guy makes his chowder, then some fancy-pants judge/food critic is brought in to judge. The only redeeming quality of this show is that Bobby Flay sometimes loses. Man is that sweet. :) The entire premise of the show is obnoxious. It's basically "Anything you can do, I can do better." Which I'm pretty sure is the jerk's motto. Win or lose, he's not gracious to the competition. There's no hearty congratulations. Rather there are excuses, there are promises of rematches, there's Bobby Flay being Bobby Flay. He's a jackass.

2. He's a dick. One of my first exposures to Bobby Flay was when he went on Iron Chef before it was adapted to American audiences. He challenged the Japanese chef Morimoto...I can't remember what the ingredient was. Over the course of the show, Flay was cocky and arrogant. Always making comments to the camera about how he was going to win, blah blah blah. When the time was up, Flay jumped onto the countertop...stood on top of his cutting board...did the "raise the roof" hand motion and started chanting "USA!! USA!! USA!!" Really. Was this the best we had to offer from the American culinary profession? Morimoto was completely scandalized by Flay's behavior. He was highly offended by the act of standing on a cutting board and said as much. Rather than sincerely apologizing for his cultural faux pas, Flay brushed it off. Said Morimoto was overreacting and left it at that. Then Flay lost the battle. (hahahaha.) And all of a sudden his "equipment was inferior to that of the challenger, and he was electrocuted in the kitchen (which did happen and was hilarious), and the judges were biased." Sore loser. They ended up giving him a rematch..this time with American judges. When the time was up, he took the cutting board off the counter and threw it on the floor (because that's so much more respectful) and then jumped up doing his "USA!" crap again. Really guys, this dude is a piece of work.

3. I wouldn't eat anything he cooks. Honestly, I could be Bobby Flay. "Well, I got this lobster, and I put some mango on it. So now it's amazing and southwestern." I can sum up Bobby Flay's cooking in one word. Unimaginative. Or mango. You pick. Seriously, you won't find a Flay show that doesn't feature at least one mango. On the last episode of Iron Chef, I'm fairly certain he commandeered his menu from Applebee's. And Applebee's isn't that good.

Anyway...so I hate Bobby Flay. But I love "Law and Order: SVU." Unfortunately, I cannot love one of its former stars anymore.* I've completely lost all respect for Alex. No wonder she had to change identities. I wouldn't want anyone to know I was with Bobby Flay either.


*Yes, I know this is insanely old news, but it was new to me. And sparked this entire post. My father, knowing my hatred of the Flay, called me at work to tell me he'd just found this out. I think his exact words were "Well Samantha, looks like it's too late for you and Bobby." Thanks Dad. :-p