Weekend Recap

Where to start on last weekend. I have two weekends off in a row this month, since I have to work Christmas. And since I'll be home for neither Christmas nor New Year's, I visited my family last weekend, and will be going home again this weekend. So woo more stories of insanity! As it stands, let's go over what happened last weekend.

The Tree

My mother is from Alabama, and my father is from Iowa. Meaning my Dad's used to going to the tree farm and buying a fir or whatever normal Christmas trees look like. My Mom's used to going out in the pasture and finding a cedar tree that vaguely resembles a Christmas tree. We usually side with Dad on this one. Cedar's are usually irregular and they're really spikey and painful when you try to put ornaments on them...so we hate them. But Mom loves them...cause she thinks they smell good, and they remind her of her childhood, and perhaps most importantly, they're free. So this year, Mom wanted a cedar. Dad decided to go out in the backyard while Mom was out, and cut down a tree. He cut down an absolutely hideous one. Bald, waaay too tall for the room, and bald. He did this in the hopes that Mom would see it, say it didn't look good, and agree to get a store-bought non-mutant tree.

But that backfired. Mom and I are sawing a couple feet off the bottom of the tree in the hopes of getting it to fit in the house. I'm telling her how ugly the tree is. "Samantha, your father did this on purpose so we'd have to buy a tree. I know this one looks awful. We're keeping it." And thus was born the Principle Tree. Sure, it's hideous, but its the principle of the matter. She kept telling my father how much she loved it. Even when it fell down twice. Even when everyone pointed out that the bottom four feet of the tree were totally devoid of vegetation. Mom picked up branches we'd cut off at the bottom and stuffed them into the treestand.

So now we have a tree that is way too tall, and way too bald. Decorated to the hilt. And McGyvered to the ceiling in the hopes that it won't fall down (again) and kill anyone. Complete with the traditional Christmas germ. Enjoy the rest of the pictures here.

Bumper Cars

Saturday my father and I went to my great aunt Jonnie's house to clean up the leaves in her yard. While we were gone, my Mom and sister were going to go to some tour of homes in town and the rest of the girls were going to hang out at home. We'd done about a third of the yard, when Bear called from home.

"Hey, has Mom called you?"

"No, why?"

"Umm...don't tell her I told you."

"Okay, what happened?"

"She got into an accident."

"Where? Is she okay?"

"She's fine...and she's in the driveway."

"Where was the accident?"

"In the driveway."

"Huh??"

"Mom backed the Tahoe into the Honda."

"Niiiice."

So, my mother has now damaged every car they own. She backed the van into one of the concrete pylon thingies that stop you from hitting the pump at the gas station. And now she's backed the Tahoe into the back of her Civic. Dented the Tahoe and broke the taillight out of the Civic. Dad was thrilled. "Tell her insurance doesn't cover you hitting your own car!"

My favorite part was when we actually reached my mother.

"Hey Mom, playing bumper cars in the driveway?"

"Shut up Samantha."

"Why did you back up? We have a circular driveway! Why didn't you just pull forward?!?"

"I always back up."

Apparently my mother only has one direction when disengaging from park. Way to go.

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So, to sum up, we had a blast...the bootleg tree is set up and decorated...and now there isn't a single vehicle Bear can drive that Mom hasn't rammed into something. hehehe. Going home again Friday...good times :)