Hangnail? I'll get the defibrillator! *

Today I got out of the office! Woo! My boss signed a few interested parties (i.e. me and two other people that would rather be anywhere than sitting in the office) up to take an EKG interpretation class at a hospital across town. I've realized that I'm too lazy to create organized paragraphs and much prefer to use bulleted points. It's less effort. And I'm totally into low energy expenditure. So without further adieu, my list.

1. The class cost $125 to attend. No idea why...I was there all day today and was never given anything. Certainly nothing worth $125. Not even juice or cookies! (Very disappointing.) Anyway, a couple weeks ago my boss gave me a check for $125 made out to the hospital to pay for the course. I believe her exact words were, "Make sure you don't lose this...it was a pain in the neck getting the foundation to cut us a check." And I believe my exact words were, "Umm...can you just hold onto it for me until it's time to go?" I'm pretty sure that she kept it for me...but she denies it. Anyway, the point is that I lost the check**. So, my two coworkers (who had not lost their checks) and I showed up to the class in the morning, and I pretended to sign in under a hospital's name that had pre-paid for their participants. In essence, today I stole EKG training. Cause I sure as hell wasn't cutting a $125 check out of my pocket...and I wasn't going to tell my boss I'd lost the check. Flying under the radar baby. ;)

2. The class was held in the hospital's auditorium. AKA an old church. Because in Alabama, many buildings are either a. former churches b. current churches or c. warehouses being used as churches. There's a road in my parents' town that literally has 10 churches in a one-mile stretch. 9 of the 10 are Baptist churches. And those 9 are none too happy about the Jehovah's Witnesses on the block. Anyway, the room had wicked high ceilings. Which meant it was a nightmare to thermoregulate. And our teacher was in menopause (I assume.) "Are ya'll hot? Cause I'm 'bout to get naked up here. Ya'll just wait til you get 50, fat, and hormonal...then you'll wanna run the air conditioner in November too!" She had to keep stopping class to adjust the fan blowing directly on herself. I had to keep pausing to see if my jacket would zip any further up. Like over my head. Such was the coldness.

3. The class was entitled "EKG Interpretation." If the teacher would've named it, I'm sure it would've been called "How to keep your patient from goin' to meet Jesus." Cause that's all she kept telling us to avoid. "If you see this rhythm, you're gonna wanna go make sure your patient isn't going to his eternal reward." Thanks for the tip.

4. Sitting in class all day really reminded me of how much I love school. Loooove school. I love knowing the answers. I love learning new stuff. I think the main thing is that I love truly understanding how things work. If I find someone that actually understands something thoroughly...it doesn't matter what topic...I will listen with rapt attention. Because I want to know. And this teacher was good. She has an extreme Southern accent, and questionable social filters (I know I wouldn't threaten a classroom full of licensed professionals with my nudity) but she knew EKGs. I sat through one day of class, and now all I want to do is cardiovert somebody. I want to do EKGs on everybody...and then when I find a weird rhythm, I wanna zap somebody. Seriously. I think it would be awesome. Reason number 243 to go to med school: Cardioversion.

5. To sum up, my Christmas wish list:

• Portable EKG Monitor
• Defibrillator
• A good lawyer

Tomorrow...EKG class: Part II. This time I'm bringing a blanket. And snacks. ;)

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* I totally stole this title

** I did not lose the check.