Please don't Holla Back

Dear Gwen Stefani,

Remember your band, No Doubt? Could you please rejoin them? Because alone, you're making my ears bleed. The song, "Holla Back Girl" is quite possibly the worst song ever written. Any song that includes spelling the word "bananas" and is not written for the 4-7 year old demographic really shouldn't be played on the radio. FCC, what are we paying you for?!?
Also Gwen, you're gorgeous. You really are. So why in the HELL are you dressing like a pirate? Or a harajuku girl? You are not Japanese. And you are not a pirate. But you are really pretty. So could you dress like an at least semi-normal person please? Does your husband take you out anymore, or are you just milling around alone because he refuses to be seen with you?

Here's an idea: send your husband back to work. Let Bush come out with a new album...and you take a break and recover from your addiction to leggings. Please. Then, when you're feeling better, you can meet back up with the boys and make another No Doubt album.

Get well soon!
Samantha