"This Stuff Happens Everywhere." *Now with updates*

Phone Rings
Me: "Hello?"
Mom: "What's a Flava-Flav?"
Me: "Umm...he's a rapper. I think. And he's gross. Why do you ask?"
Mom: "Do you think his show is appropriate for eleven-year-olds to be watching?"
Me: "Mom, I don't think it's appropriate for anyone to be watching. I can't stand more than 10 seconds of it. Why??"
Mom: "Do you think it would be appropriate for showing in a sixth-grade classroom?"
Me: "Hell no. Are you kidding me?"
Mom: "Apparently Jo's sub decided that it was."

So my youngest sister Jo is in sixth grade in rural Alabama. Where crazy nightmare situations occur all the time and yet my parents keep sending her back. This is the same school that allowed my then 8-year-old sister to fracture her arm playing basketball and then tell her she didn't need to go to the nurse. The same system where the principal's wife fired a shotgun into a car full of cheerleaders (actually hit one in the back of the neck) and didn't spend a day in jail. The same system with the embezzling preacher/counselour. It's a real winner, let me tell ya.

Me: "Who was the sub?"
Mom: "Ms. Thiefy McGee*. Remember back when I worked at the hospital?** I turned her into DHS cause she was stealing her grandfather's social security checks. Then she called the hospital and threatened to sue me for slander. I told her to do it. Of course she never did...wish she had***."
Me: "How'd you find out about the show?"
Mom: "Jo seemed pretty upset after school, and your father knew something was wrong but she wouldn't tell him. But when she got home she told Jen and she made Jo tell us. I'm writing a letter detailing what Jo says she saw. I'm so mad right now."
Me: "What'd she see?"
Mom: "Well, according to her she saw "women in bikinis being spanked by a man wearing a big clock, a man who was naked except the little blurry thing, and a man and woman humping." Jo said her classmate told her that's what they were doing. And the teacher told them to "Be quiet, I haven't seen this episode." And also instructed them not to tell their parents they were watching this. It's all going in my letter."
Me: "Nice. For the love of God will you please move someplace where people are sane?"
Mom: "Samantha, you're going to have corruption and bad teachers everywhere you go. This kind of stuff happens everywhere."

Based on my little stat tracker, I'd say most of my readers are not from Alabama. With that in mind, a question. Have any of you people ever seen half the crap that happens at this school come anywhere remotely near happening at your or your children's schools!?? Honestly if they were all like this, I'd start preparing for homeschooling. But I remember my elementary school days. They seemed considerably more sedate. And maybe it's that times are changing. But I'm fairly certain it's just that my family has positioned itself directly over the portal to some coked-out parallel universe. Who in their right mind shows Flava of Love to 11 year olds?!??

Mom's going to see the principal this morning. And that same sub's scheduled to teach today. If she's there, Mom's plucking Jo out of class. I told her to call me afterwards. My mother's already the bane of the superintendent's existence. Maybe the lady will want to sue Mom again. I'll keep you guys posted. ;)

^^^Okay, Mom went to the school this morning. The sub was there. The principal removed the sub and put her on a year's probation from teaching there. Here's my question: what are the qualifications for being a sub? From what I remember, they're glorified babysitters. They don't teach you anything. So really you should be able to get anyone to do it. Which means you shouldn't be hard up and should be able to tell this woman she is never allowed to sub there again. But whatever. I wasn't looking for a rational resolution to this whole thing. It is Alabama. I've learned not to expect much.^^^
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*Names have been changed to protect the guilty. And also because I can't remember the chick's name.
**My Mom was director of nursing at the local hospital for a number of years.
***There is nothing that my mother loves more than getting in fights with people. Loves it. And I fully support it cause it entertains the hell out of me. And because most of the time these people desperately need their asses kicked.