Reading

Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!

Kid #2: "Bam" doesn't blow up, "bam" makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can't defeat that!

--6 Train

Eureka!!

I found my driver's license!!! YAY!! I actually went to the DMV today to get a new license, and I was refused because I didn't have two (acceptable) forms of ID. Stupid DMV. But that's fine, because now they won't get my $23.25 until 2006! Yeah! I still look like crap in the picture and all that jazz, but I do so love to save some money and spend it on something better than a new ID card. Like, pretty shoes! Or a new spring purse! The possibilities are endless. :)

Another day, Another regret

Today was filled with foibles. Here is just a smattering of the things that I regret from today.

1. Eating at Yoe Express. The white sauce in which my vegetables were immersed was oily looking, and had the consistency of a certain body fluid. But, I was starving, and it didn't taste bad so I basically cleaned my plate. Richard and I go back in for drink refills and he cheerily points out a roach THE SIZE OF MY HEAD crawling under the table. Suddenly felt the oily white sauce creeping back up my throat, but kept it down by sheer willpower.

2. Leaving my refrigerator door open ALL DAY. I just got home a few minutes ago and heard a strange mechanical sound. Soon realized that the fridge has been open all day and that the sound that of my brand-new refrigerator struggling to live. All because I had to take grapes to work with me because I was ever so hungry even before leaving the apartment this morning. Stupid grapes.

3. Parking at the school. Stupid Samantha assumed that if the parking lot is TOTALLY empty, and classes are out for Spring break, then she should be able to park anywhere she wants without fear of ticketing retribution. Awww...poor Samantha. No. It was pouring down buckets of rain, and still the Nazi parking patrol decided to ticket me and the other two schmucks who had the balls to park where they didn't have a valid permit. My logic is this: If I can't go to the school's student center and get a cup of coffee or some food because it's spring break, I shouldn't be able to go to the parking lot and get a ticket either. I hate UAB parking.

4. Not throwing away the broccoli and cauliflower I had the other night. It sat on my stove all day yesterday and when I got home last night, my apartment reeked. So, I threw it away. But I didn't take out the trash. So today I came home and was greeted with a stiff smack in the head by the stench of rotting vegetables. Yuck.

On that note, I'm going to go clean my apartment. It's not very dirty, I just need to clean the kitchen really. Then job applications! Laters!

America: It's F***ed Up

I think I need to start another series entitled "America: It's F***ed Up." Because you know what? It is. My friend sent me this article today, and granted it's about a bill that's about a year old and has yet to pass, but the fact that someone was shameless enough to even put it forth, and that the House in Michigan was willing to pass it, means that I need to migrate. To Canada. Where people don't suck.
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Michigan Preparing To Let Doctors Refuse To Treat Gays(Lansing, Michigan)
Doctors or other health care providers could not bedisciplined or sued if they refuse to treat gay patients under legislation passed Wednesday by the Michigan House.The bill allows health care workers to refuse service to anyone on moral, ethical or religious grounds.The Republican dominated House passed the measure as dozens of Catholicslooked on from the gallery. The Michigan Catholic Conference, which pushed for the bills, hosted a legislative day for Catholics on Wednesday at the state Capitol. The bills now go the Senate, which also is controlled by Republicans.

The Conscientious Objector Policy Act would allow health care providersto assert their objection within 24 hours of when they receive notice ofa patient or procedure with which they don't agree. However, it wouldprohibit emergency treatment to be refused.Three other bills that could affect LGBT health care were also passed by the House Wednesday which would exempt a health insurer or health facility from providing or covering a health care procedure that violated ethical, moral or religious principles reflected in their bylaws or mission statement. Opponents of the bills said they're worried they would allow providers to refuse service for any reason. For example, they said an emergency medical technician could refuse to answer a call from the residence of a gay couple because they don't approve of homosexuality.

Rep. Chris Kolb (D-Ann Arbor) the first openly gay legislator in Michigan, pointed out that while the legislation prohibits racial discrimination by health care providers, it doesn't ban discrimination based on a person's sexual orientation. "Are you telling me that a health care provider can deny me medical treatment because of my sexual orientation? I hope not," he said. "I think it's a terrible slippery slope upon which we embark," said Rep. Jack Minore (D-Flint) before voting against the bill. Paul A. Long, vice president for public policy for the Michigan Catholic Conference, said the bills promote the constitutional right to religious freedom. "Individual and institutional health care providers can and should maintain their mission and their services without compromising faith-based teaching," he said in a written statement.
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My question is, how can this possibly have anything to do with religion? I can understand having a conscientous objector clause to prevent providers from having to DO something that they consider sinful. For instance, if I ever get to be a doctor, I really can't see myself ever performing an abortion. Because to me, that's murder, and I would be the one committing it. However, if you think homosexuality is wrong, don't do it! I don't know of a section in the bible that says that providing health care to a gay person is wrong. What I do remember of the Bible is Jesus saying, "Whatsoever you do to the least of my people, that you do unto me." I believe there's also a big part of the Bible where Jesus is hanging out with Mary Magdalene. Mary Magdalene was a whore...but Jesus didn't shun her. There's even a story in the Bible where Jesus stops people from stoning a woman to death for adultery. Adultery is wrong, but Jesus still protected her.

I dont want to spawn a bunch of comments about whether homosexuality is right or wrong. That's not the issue. The issue is, are homosexuals less than human? Because the UN asserts that healthcare is a basic human right. The US notoriously ignores this statement by not guaranteeing health care to anyone in this country. But, they've never openly allowed discrimination in health care. Okay, I'm done ranting now.

This has been, "America: It's F***ed Up."

Reading

Doctor: Mr. Johnson, did someone shoot you in the face?

Patient: Yes.

Doctor: That is some straight-up gangsta shit.

Patient: Thank you?

Doctor: You also have sinusitis. Decidedly un-gangsta, I'm afraid.

Again, nothing but love for the pushfluids kids.

How to Charm Me

Buy an almost $300 plane ticket just to come visit me. Then, when I feel bad about your exhorbitant spending, tell me that you're just fulfilling your "lifelong dream of vacationing in Birmingham." Liar. :)

The Paper *insert soundclip a la "Psycho" here*

This paper has become a monumental frikkin' NIGHTMARE!! When you have to create a soundtrack to work on something, you know that it's too much. My current mood in regards to the paper is being very accurately reflected by my most recent iTunes purchase. I'm trying to rewrite a 20 page paper while listening to the song "Superman" from the "Scrubs" soundtrack. Trying to backcheck "facts" while rewriting, inserting graphs, and cursing my groupmates all at once is a bit of a task. I like the line, "I can't do this allll on my own- I know, I'm no Superman."

All I can say is, "Preach it, Lazlo Bane!!"

Pasty is Pretty

My friend Wil shared his motto with me today, and I told him I need to put it on a t-shirt. Obviously getting a tan is not going to happen for me, so the easier thing to do is to convince everyone that a total lack of skin pigmentation is trendy. So "Pasty is Pretty"-go forth and spread the word.

Pant, Pant, Pant

Just got back from running. I have been so into the running lately (read: complete slackass who hasn't run in over a week.) I think I have running-induced amnesia. I always have a good time when I run, but then the next day when I contemplate going running, all I can think is, "uunngghhh...I don't wanna gooo...waaah." So, I am documenting the fact that I had a good time so that maybe when tomorrow comes I'll be like, "waahh...oh wait, Samantha from yesterday said she had a good time! Maybe it won't be that bad!"

Note: If you have to mediate conversations between your past and future selves, you might be nuts.

This Is Why I'm Like This

A lot of my personality came directly from my childhood. Every time I go home, I realize this more and more. Mainly because when I go home, I spend 90% of the time laughing my ass off. I mean, really...to the point of pain, because everything's so frikking hilarious. So, in order to illustrate my point, I will start a new feature entitled "This is why I'm like this" in which I share stories from the past or present involving my family that will help you better understand that I'm completely nuts because I was raised in an asylum. But it was a lot of fun. So, without further adieu.... This is why I'm like this!
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Easter Morning
Everyone but my mother is sitting in the living room in our nice little Easter clothes, waiting for Mom to be ready so we can go to church. So, my youngest sister (9 years old) is sitting there and my father says to her, "Go ask Mom what her ETA is...or I guess ETD cause we need her estimated time of departure." So off goes my sister. She returns about 5 minutes later saying, "Dad, Mom said her STD is pretty quick." So we are all DYING laughing saying, "Did she say her STD was pretty quick??" So she said, "oh, not STD, her EPT." So then my Dad asked if she was sure it wasn't her BVD. Regardless, it was hilarious. My poor little sister...and I guess my poor Mom.
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In the Car
My Dad's driving us home from church on Easter morning. It's about 10 AM and no one has had anything to eat. So my 16-year old sister (a huge smartass) leans forward and sighs, "I wish Mom was driving so I could get home and get something to eat." (This is funny in itself because my mother drives like a bat out of hell, whereas myDad drives like he's been dead for 10 years.) So, rather than respond while we're all laughing, my Dad takes his foot off the gas. He leans waaayy down in the seat so he can barely see over the wheel, and he leans way into the wheel so he's basically steering with his chest. He squints and we're going about 30 miles an hour (in a 55 zone.) Then we approach a stop sign...he rolls down his window (while still on top of the steering wheel going about 15 mph at this point) and SIGNALS WITH HIS ARM out the window. Erin is screaming for him to stop (because she's ever so stylish and easily embarassed.) It was SOO funny.
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Better than TV
We were watching television, but decided to take a break. Because my 9 year old sister is far more amusing. She does this impression of Whoopie Goldberg on "Sister Act" where she sings "Get up offa that thing." Michaela (my sister) sings into her "microphone" (read: hand) while shaking her head, bending over, and squinting like a crazy lady. And belting out "Get up offa that thing" at the top of her lungs. It's amusing as hell.
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These are but a few samples of the strange and amusing events that inevitably take place whenever I visit home. Every member of my family is absolutely crazy, but you will never laugh harder in your life. :) Laters!

Homeward Bound

I'm leaving in about 6 hours to go home. Easter- woo! I love Easter...you wake up, go to church, come home, and go hunting for baskets filled with chocolate. What could be better? Perhaps if you didn't have to find the baskets, and they were just sitting around. However, the Easter bunny at my house has to make it difficult, so I typically spend a good 30 minutes looking for my basket before one of my sisters finally relents and tells me where it is. As long as the final outcome is chocolate, I'm okay with it.

In other news, today was beautiful and utterly unproductive. Carolyn and I went to lunch, then we went and laid in a paddleboat. Let me reiterate. We did not sit in the paddleboat. We laid in the paddleboat. We abandoned the steering wheel and the pedals, and we climbed onto the back of the vessel and we laid there trying to get tans. Ever since my summer of third degree burns (never fall asleep in a hammock in direct sunlight in Alabama in the summer,) I have been unable to lay out and get a tan. I have always been adamantly opposed to artificial tanning, and was terrified during my one visit to a tanning bed, but I think I'm going to have to get over it. I am so white. When you can look at your own feet and honestly compare them to a dead person's, it's time to find an alternative to direct sunlight. I've tried lying out, and it really doesn't work for me. I need to kick-start my melanocytes.

Well, better hit the rack if I have any hope of waking up in a few hours. Happy Easter everybody! Laters!

That's tact.

I was reading the news online today, and there was an article about a Moroccan prince (I think he's a prince) who's ill. His doctor's exact words? "The prognosis for life remains extremely reserved." So kudos to this physician, because that is the most creative way to say "they're not going to make it" that I have ever heard.

Dear Raine, Release your damn album. I love you. Why do you want to hurt me? Love, Samantha 

Dear Raine, Is there anything you can wear to make me not love you? I can tell you're trying to find out, but it's not going to happen. I will love you in anything. Sorry. Love, Samantha 

Who wears short shorts?

Unfortunately I do. For some reason, shorts get shorter every single year. But today, in honor of the high of 78 degrees, I will be sportin' some shorts. Wooo! I'm not really big on wearing shorts, because I'm not into blinding people with my snowy white legs...but today I will make an exception. So, if you see me walking toward you, maybe avert your eyes. Or keep your sunglasses on. Laters!

Have you seen me?

I guess of all the things that could be missing, my driver's license isn't the worst. Especially not with that damn picture on it. I'd actually be happy to be rid of it and have to get a new one....a new one where I would actually prepare for the picture and walk in to the DMV looking like I was ready for my appearance as an extra in a music video....preferably one of those videos where the chicks are hot- not the ones where they're "part of the art" (read: ugly)...perhaps I'd even brush my hair... or stop talking so that my mouth would actually be closed in the picture. They could also change the color on my license so that when I went out, the bouncer would know I was 21, instead of looking me up and down. If you're trying to guess someone's age, can't you pretty much get the best idea from their face? Don't scan all the way down my body and act like that visual assessment told you anything about my age.

So, take home message: Samantha's driver's license is MIA...but it's ugly, and it sucks. SO if you have it, give it back, or burn it.

Reading

Many Americans apparently cannot understand why Canada has no interest what so ever in being a part of the US planned missile defense system. So, in a modest and Canadian way I would like to attempt to explain the mysterious and mind fogging perplexities of our logic.

1. It won't work. You might as well have a blind old woman try to knock down the incoming missiles with a pebble, a stick and a rubber band.

2. Canada hasn't pissed off any country enough to make it want to nuke us.

3. Missiles that fly over Canada immediately turn into flowers and rainbows.

Yo Mama

Going to watch a World Cup Qualifier: $55.
Subscribing to the English Premiere League on DirectTV: $299.
Kidnapping the mother of a Brazilian soccer player: Priceless.

For regular sports fans, watching soccer is great. For everyone else, there's mom-napping.

An interesting question

All the recent debate over Terri Schiavo and the right to life has sparked a lot of controversy and spirited discussion. It even sparked an interesting question on another blog I was reading. So, it's only right I should ask my audience.

Should President Bush's feeding tube be removed?

Damn

Okay folks, I am not an animal rights activist in any way, shape, or form. I'm not a huge fan of animals...most of the time they really irritate me. I do think they were put on this planet to be our food or entertainment, and I don't think they're worthy of the same rights as humans. That being said, holy crap they get some messed up stuff done to them in the meat industry. I was just watching a video produced by PETA (watch it at www.meetyourmeat.com)- granted it was done by PETA- but it was just footage from the meat industry. Footage that was not made up.

My concern with this video is not just that they treat the animals poorly, it's HOLY CRAP PEOPLE EAT THESE ANIMALS! A ton of these animals are totally messed up- but then they're turned into meat and you can't tell the healthy pigs from the ones with three eyes or giant hairy tumors growing out of their foreheads. Watch the video, then decide whether you'd be able to tell a cow with bovine spongiform encephalopathy (mad cow) from one who just has its legs broken.

Plus, reading Fast Food Nation a while back made me realize that working in the meat industry must totally suck because of the danger and the lack of benefits. This video added a whole new element. Who in the world would be able to work for any extended period of time cutting the ears, tails, and teeth of baby pigs? Let alone while listening to their blood-curdling shrieks?!? Wow...it's totally messed up to work in the meat industry.

Enjoy!

Thinkin'

I should be at work right now. But instead I'm sitting at home, screwing around on my computer. I'm tired from working on my project all night last night, and I'm even more tired when I think of the prospect of going in to work and staring at Excel for the rest of the day. But, if I go in, I'll only have to be there a couple hours. I think I'll compromise and hang out here another hour (eat some lunch- tofu and sprouts sandwich with a spinach and carrot salad) then go to work for two hours. Then I'll just work an extra 2 hours on Friday (since I have a meeting to go to anyway) and the universe won't have to skip a beat. :) Laters!

Waah.

Friday's forecast is no longer 80 degrees. Now it's only 76. And it's surrounded by rain and clouds. Stupid Yahoo weather. I hate you.

Reading

Entry from PushFluids.com/blog (for some reason, my hyperlinking isn't working) :

Whenever shit starts getting a little too real, I can always count on Dr. Senator Bill Frist to take us all back down a notch to a world where HIV may, in fact be spread by tears, and complex neurologic diagnoses can be made by watching a video. His level of diagnostic prowess simply cannot be matched. Even Dr. William Osler broke his 86 year silence to say "That mofo is so hot right now."

The mark of a great physician, nay, a great scientist is refusing to bow to the tremendous pressure of objectivity -- to hold tightly, eyes squinched closed to your conclusions no matter how loud the din of the "facts" beating down your door. When the doctors following Terri Schiavo for years diagnosed her as being in a persistent vegetative state, with no hope of meaningful recovery, Dr. Frist cried "Nay." When a CT scan from 1998, 2 years after the anoxic brain injury caused by a massive myocardial infarction, showed that Mrs. Schiavo's cerebral cortex was all but gone, Dr. Frist plugged his ears and clapped louder. And now that Mrs. Schiavo's husband, and several of her friends have testified in court (clearly and convincingly enough to have multiple state courts rule in their favor) that Terri did not want to live in such a state, Dr. Frist made it a Blockbuster night, and told them from the floor of the Senate, "Suck it."

And so, for his ability to see in several minutes of videotaped footage, having never met the patient, what multiple doctors failed to appreciate after actually examining the patient over a nearly 10 year period, it is my pleasure to bestow upon Dr. Senator Billiam Frist the First Annual Push Fluids Diagnostic Douchebag Award. Considering that I am routinely stumped by the "Diagnosis" section of the New York Times Magazine, I stand in awe of your doctorly skills. I look forward to the day when I can diagnose thyroid cancer based solely on a recording of the patient singing the Oak Ridge Boy's classic, "Elvira."

Oh, how I do love those crazy kids at PushFluids.

It's in the little things

It's the little things that drive you absolutely out of your mind. Por ejemplo:

1. My neck hurts. From using the computer. I'm still using the computer. My neck still hurts.
2. To do a load of laundry, you need 4 quarters. I have 3.
3. My computer doesn't have Publisher. It needs it.
4. My apartment smells like cigarettes. I don't smoke. (Bastard neighbors.)
5. I'm hungry. But I have to finish this data dictionary in the next half hour.

Sorry, I just had to complain because I'm ready to put my fist through my computer. Making tables in MS Word totally blows. Stupid microsoft. I think Google should take over the world. I do so love the Google. Okay, wasting precious time. Laters!

Forecast: Hells Yeah

Friday's weather: 80 degrees. Yeah!!! That frikkin' rocks. I have a half-day of work and then one meeting on Friday and I'm going to make sure it stays that way. No more meetings because I will be outside, doing stuff. Doesn't matter what. That will make me feel better after today's "Strong storms." My parents were supposed to come up today, but apparently they're afraid of rain. Oh well though, that kind of works since I have about a gajillion things I need to get done. Well, gotta get ready and head off to work. 6 more weeks! Laters!

Uuuugggghhhhhhh.

Soo sleepy....soo sore...uugghh. I have a breakfast with the Dean at 8 AM, meeting at 9:30, class at 11, work 12:30-4:30, class 5:30 to 7:30. Uuuugghhh. I feel like I've been run over by a cement truck, and I want to sleep. I did 3 cases yesterday, all in a row for about 14 hours. I didn't get any sleep yesterday so I was up for almost 48 hours. Then last night I got about 8 hours, so I need another 8 to catch up. I think my biggest problem is that I am so le sore. I laid crazy in the van so my neck is killing me and my arms and legs are killing me because it takes a bit of muscle to do my job. Arg. Man, when I get home tonight I am going to be out like a frikkin' light! Okay, gotta get ready. And of course I didn't do any laundry this weekend, so nothing to wear but frikkin' skirts. Damn it! Laters!

Praise me- I've been ever so productive

There were several contributing factors, but the gist of it is, everything I own is clean!! The apartment is spotless, including the bathtub and all the dishes being washed. I went to the grocery store and bought actual food. Meaning I actually will have things to eat for the next week. Then on the way back from the store, I filled my truck with gas (oh so painful) and got my car washed. Finally, I came home and cleaned out my truck! Everything is so clean and beautiful. I will be sad when it gets messy again. So, overally a very productive Saturday. Actually, this may be a record for getting things done on a Saturday without actually being forced to do them. Yay!! So now I really want to go dancing, but I don't really want to call anyone to go and I don't want to go alone. So I'll probably be home to catch SNL for the first time in a VERY long time. Laters!

Top Ten

I don't think I realized how stressed out I was last month. I was just cleaning off my desk and found a list. It's title?

"Things That Are Contributing to my Early Death."

Wow. I really needed to get a grip! Luckily about 5 of those things have since fallen off the list. I can deal with the other 5 ;)

Restful sleep? Ha!

Last night I had THE weirdest dream ever. It was crazy, and SOOO stressful. So here goes:

Jessica and Dad and I were going to visit someone in Germany. The strange thing was that we were driving there in our Chevy Tahoe, and I had my cell phone and all that jazz. But it was right before World War II. So the whole Nazi thing was going on. So we drive to this person's house (I have no idea who she is...I don't know why we're visiting her...I'm just really nervous to be in Nazi Germany.) So it's about time to go, and Jessica goes out and gets in the driver's seat of the car. I'm bored, so I get in the backseat of the car with her to wait for Daddy. Dad is still talking to her and we're sitting there like "C'mon Dad!" All of a sudden, Jessica starts the car and starts to drive. I'm freaking out. "Jessica! What are you doing?! We have to wait for Daddy!" She just keeps driving. We pass a Nazi patrol, and we have the radio on. The radio announces that they are stopping all cars at the border. I tell her, "Great Jess, if we turn around we'll look suspicious, and they're going to stop us at the border anyway. I hate you." All of a sudden it gets really really foggy. We come to the border, but it's too foggy to see anyone stopping you, and we and 2 other cars just speed through the border. So we make it out safely, but our Dad is stuck in some farmhouse. I have my cell phone, but the farmhouse doesn't have a phone and my father is notorious for not bringing his cell phone with him, so of course it's at home. So Jessica and I stay in some hotel somewhere until WWII is over because we can't get back into the town (told you, very bizarre dream.) When it's over, we go back to get Dad. We get to the farmhouse and that chick is there. She's really nice and relieved to see us, and I ask her where Daddy is, and she says that he went looking for us months ago and hasn't been back. She's shocked we haven't heard from him. Then I woke up because I thought my Dad was dead. SOOO not a cool dream

The lesson here? Jessica, if we're ever trapped in Nazi Germany, your ass ain't driving.

Guess who!

I might have a surprise visitor this weekend! So, much cleaning needs to be done. I tackled the kitchen, bathroom, and living room yesterday, and then I was le tired. So today, my horribly filthy bedroom.

And That's the End of That Chapter

I just got an email from a certain person on another continent with whom I'd had some unresolved business. Let's just say it's resolved. Not necessarily in the manner that I had hoped, but definitely in the manner that I'd anticipated. I'm glad to have some closure...now I can quit daydreaming about it. :) Time for bed! Laters.

How to tell you're not a baker.

Try to remove your brownies from the pan. If it takes you 30 minutes and the near loss of an eye, give it up. You are not a baker.

Uh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Sob. Daniel and I just went to Sonic. And I had a Sunrise smoothie (or something like that.) It's a fantabulous concoction that blends all things great in this world: soft serve ice cream, orange juice, and strawberries. (They try to include bananas, but I stopped that crap dead in its tracks. Bananas. Scoff.) So I was drinking it, and I was happy. I come home, and I set it on the counter, and I keep walking. And then I hear it. The unmistakeable PLOP that comes when a Sonic Sunrise Smoothie meets its untimely end. So now it's all over my counter and my kitchen floor. And I don't have the heart to clean it up.

Actually, it's probably a sign from God that I need to clean the sty in which I've been habitating. My bedroom looks like my closet hacked up a lung, and my living room looks like a homeless person has been using my papasan chair as a shopping cart. So, maybe I should clean a little. I might even mop the kitchen floor in the hopes of not being stuck to it everytime I walk through. I can't remember the last time I mopped the kitchen. Of course, I think Jessica mopped it a couple of weeks ago, so it's really not due. Either way. Gotta get to work. Laters!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

May you feel sweet Irish breezes blowing fresh across your face-

May Irish music now be heard lilting through your place-

May all your days be filled up to the brim with Irish cheer-

And may the good Lord bless you and hold you ever near.

-The card Jessica sent me :)

(Thanks Jess!!)

A Dissenting Opinion

I know that almost everyone that reads this blog won't agree, but I'm entitled to my feelings on the matter. I think this is really sad. Whether he killed his wife or not, I could never bring myself to say that someone deserves to die. Life in prison, sure. Especially to protect the lives of others. But to just off them? I'm not a fan of the death sentence...at any age. Thank God they got rid of it for juveniles. You know we're the only developed country that still has the death sentence? I swear...NASCAR for the accidents, and court TV for the lethal injections.

I love Our Lady Peace

There is a website that apparently has 7 songs off the new Our Lady Peace album that you can listen to. The website is www.promosquad.com. You sign up, and then you listen to songs and rate them. The problem is that you can't choose what you listen to...so you just have to listen to song after song after song until you hear Raine's unmistakeable voice. However, I will let you guys in on a little track. Give the song a crappy rating. Then it will play you a medley of songs to figure out what your style is....if it's a medley of alternative songs, give it a great rating, and then on the comments section say that you want to hear some Our Lady Peace. If it's a medley of another genre, give it a crap rating and they'll keep throwing medleys at you until you hit an alternative one. I've only found 2 of the OLP songs, but I found them both using that strategy. Good luck!

Oh, I'm incredibly biased, but the two songs I've heard were AWESOME.
"Angels Losing Sleep"- Awesome vocals from Raine...I almost cried listening to it. I'd forgotten how much I've missed new music from them.

"Will the Future Blame Us?"- I love the lyrics to this one. The new album is going to rock if they ever put it out!!! Apparently it's done...so I don't know what they're doing with it. Release it!!!

Just Shoot Me.

I swear, if the person who's robbing people in the parking lot tries it on me, I'll just tell him. Apparently last night at 9 PM, someone was "personally robbed" in the parking lot behind my apartment building. The apartment people's solution? "Don't come home alone." Guys, they're one-bedroom apartments. We're alone. And I'm going to have a heck of a time finding someone who wants to come on organ center runs with me, and then walk me into my apartment at 3 AM.

Crime totally blows.

Tired

In every sense of the word I am completely exhausted. I can't sleep because my sinuses are keeping me awake, I have to go to work and school all day, I have to study and write papers when I'm not at school and work, and I have to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that I'm forced to ride as a result of my poor decisions in the past. I can't deal with this stuff anymore. My ex-boyfriend is an asshole. I know that, and I don't really talk about it with people unless they know him and they bring him up. When he comes up in conversations with new people, I don't attach his name. Not because I'm trying to be nice to him, but because I'm embarassed that I was ever associated with him. So if you know him, and you talk to him, and you find out that he's an asshole, don't tell him you got it from me. I guarantee that if you talk to him for more than 5 minutes, you can come to that conclusion all by yourself.

I'm so ready to move.

Simpsons Moment of the Day

Homer: The sign said "All You Can Eat" but they kicked me out and I wasn't done!

Lionel Hutz: Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the movie, "The Never-Ending Story."

The Usual

Of course, I should be studying for an exam I have tomorrow. However, I'd rather deconstruct one of my new favorite television shows. When I first saw commercials for NBC's new psychic crime drama "Medium" I was not impressed. I had no desire to watch the show. Call me a convert. I love "Medium." It's really interesting, and more importantly, it's really cute. Sure, it has all the trappings of "Law & Order" which totally has me right from the start. But, it also has something better. Underlying all the drama, and psychic powers, is this really romantic relationship. The main character, Alison Dubois (played by the very pretty Patricia Arquette) is psychic. But she's also married and has 3 children. Rather than focus on all the drama, the writers of the show weave in the family aspect quite beautifully.

During tonight's episode, Alison kept being awakened by a dream. They showed her dream, and you wanted to find out about it, blah blah blah. But the bet thing about the episode was that a lot of time was also devoted to cute little scenes with her husband (a very handsome man who is literally a rocket scientist in the show) where he's trying to get her to come back to bed because she needs her rest and he's worried about her. I love his character. Joe Dubois is every woman's dream. He helps with the children, he's considerate, he's handsome, and sweet Jesus the man's a rocket scientist. This show has it all...and thus is has my rapt attention during time I should be devoting to study. When I get a bad grade on my exam, and I'm on here bitching, just throw this post right back in my face. I know I deserve it. But I do so love "Medium." Just thought I'd share. I'm going to bed and then waking up insanely early to study. Laters!

&*)$#&*(!)(#)(&*(#&@*(!!!!

UGHHH!!! I hate going back to school after being gone. I am so far behind on everything. I have an exam tomorrow- haven't studied one iota for it. PHSA had a meeting, invited the Dean, great, cookies for everyone. But then they told the Dean they'd get back to him by Friday afternoon. He hasn't heard anything from them. So now Richard's freaking out because it makes him look bad. He and I are going to have simultaneous breakdowns. I'm actually looking forward to going in to work today so I can get some stuff caught up on. Oh, it's also supposed to be Meatless Monday. Is anything being done? Hells no. AUGHH!! I need a job. And I need to graduate. And I need to move. I'm le tired. Anyways...my more immediate needs are to get my hair dry, to get dressed, and to get my sorry butt to class. Better tend to those first. Later I'll let you in on my top job choices! (They're all in NYC...yeah!) Laters!

On the 3rd night, we took one of the girls out for her birthday at a Thai Restaurant. This is a picture of Mike and I that the birthday girl took. Told you I looked like a frikkin' greaseball all week. Stupid hotel shower/hairdryer. 

All of the students from the conference on the Loma Linda Campus. It was really gorgeous out....I did enjoy the California weather. Sadly none of the pictures have the snow-covered mountains in them.  

Samantha and the boys with rental cars! During the conference Dan (from U. of Washington) gave me a ride back to my hotel every night, and Mike (U. of South Carolina) drove me around in his convertible and dropped me off at the airport. They were both very fabulous :) 

I Heart Huckabees

I finally got "I Heart Huckabees" on DVD. I love that movie. It is so funny and uplifting at the same time. I've watched it twice already in a desperate attempt to avoid reality. I need to write a couple of papers, study for an exam, catch up on PHSA stuff, and clean my apartment. I am so ready to graduate. I can't ever catch up with everything I need to do. When I finally graduate, I won't have to constantly be behind. I'm really looking hard for jobs out of state. I'm ready for a new start. We'll see how it goes. In the meantime, more apartment cleaning and Huckabees :)

Best movie line ever:

"We're all interconnected. Once you get that, you'll realize that everything you could ever want or be- you already have and are."

Decaffeinated

I have never been happier to be back in Birmingham. The conference itself wasn't too bad, but the "city" of Loma Linda totally sucked. I stayed in a Comfort Inn in San Bernardino (equally crap) that had a shower head that was a full head shorter than I was. So, I was completely bent over backwards trying to wash my hair for the past week. Then of course they had those wimpy hotel hairdryers, so it took 10 years to get half of my hair dry. Needless to say I've spent the past week looking like a greaseball. I just got out of the shower here at home, and wow. It's a great shower.

So, Loma Linda University. So much to say- where to start? Okay, so the first day we have to be at an orientation breakfast at 7 AM. Needless to say, we're all very tired and not wanting to be there. But we are. We get in line, there is no meat (not a problem for me, the veggie) and there is no coffee (HUGE PROBLEM.) We enquire as to the presence of coffee and are informed that it is a Seventh-Day Adventist University and they don't serve meat on campus, and they don't serve caffeinated foods or beverages on campus. Samantha almost died. We had lunch, there were sodas, but they were all caffeine-free. I was sitting in the same room for about 10 hours a day. Listening to lectures. With no caffeine. Death was imminent. Luckily there was intervention.

The best part of the conference was the fact that there were 24 students from all over the country. 24 other people who were equally shocked and appalled by the lack of caffeine and the profuse suggestion of "prayer" as a solution to public health problems. I am a Christian, yay prayer, but this is a scientific conference. It was uncomfortable to say the least. We're all exchanging looks, wondering if we need to back away slowly and wander toward somewhere with a Starbucks. Luckily after the first day, none of the other speakers were on the religious track. So, it was cool. The other students there were awesome. It was the first time I've gone somewhere and actually talked to people I didn't know and liked them. We went out everynight for dinner together. It was one girl's birthday and we took her out and got her a card and everything. It was a lot of fun. I made a couple really good friends. I think that I am a 38-year old gay man magnet. Which is cool cause they tend to be my favorite people. Either way, we'll all be keeping in touch, and one of the girls already sent the pictures she took so I'll post a couple of those here soon.

Another great part of the conference was the weather. It was beautiful, in the high 70's the whole time I was there. And from the campus you could look up and see Big Bear Mountain (I think that was the name) which was covered with snow. Totally cool. Not totally cool was the amount of smog in the air which on some days obscured the view of the mountain. Then yesterday I had a layover in Phoenix, AZ and it was 88 degrees there. It was 41 degrees when I touched down in B'ham last night. Stupid Alabama. Anyways...that was my pretty enjoyable trip to California. Once I met some people that had transportation, Loma Linda wasn't too bad. I even got to ride in a convertible for the first time!! Cruisin' in CA with the top down. Hells yeah :) Laters!

Leavin' On a Jetplane

I'll be gone for a week, gentle readers. So, have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do, and call me because apparently Loma Linda= Podunk, California. *Whine* Laters- much laters! (Unless I end up with internet access)

Conference Recap!

So the PHR conference that I've been working on for about 6 months is OVER!!!!! It was SOO great...everyone else seemed to think so too, so yay! The speakers were A-mazing and almost everything went extremely smoothly. So a recap of my day!

6 AM- Got to School of Business and unlocked all the computers, started all the projectors, and loaded all the PowerPoint presentations (that I had.)

7 AM- Other volunteers arrived, furniture was moved, caterers set up, registration set up.

8 AM- Students start pouring in the doors. We ended up with 375 registered. I was told that since it was a beautiful Saturday, we would probably have about 150 show up. We had 350 actually show up. How cool is that?!?

9 AM- Morning plenary session began. The Sirote Theatre is beautiful, the AV stuff worked fine. The Dean of my school was there, and we totally blew his mind. He couldn't stop telling me how wonderful everything was and how incredulous he was at the turn out. The gist of his comments? Samantha= rock star. I have to say, yesterday I felt like one. Everyone knew who I was, everyone was stopping me and telling me how great I was. By the end of the day, my head was the size of a hot air balloon.

Workshop sessions were next, and there was only one problem. The speaker in the Alys Stephens Center had a powerpoint that wasn't working. I told her to talk to the Alys Stephens Tech staff. She called back and said they couldn't get it to work, and she wanted me to come look at it. I don't know who told everyone that I was some kind of techie, cause I'm totally not, but I was the go-to gal for basically everything yesterday. So, I literally RAN to Alys Stephens in my little pizza-toed heels. Stupid Erin's shoes. Then I needed my flash drive, so I had to run BACK to School of Business. I ended up making 5 RUNS to Alys Stephens over the course of the day. Needless to say, today I have blisters on my heels and baby toes. Whine.

The next major mishap was lunch. Stupid caterers. It was a complete madhouse...which I guess when you're feeding 350 people was bound to happen. But, in the end everyone (but me... Whine) got something to eat. (Actually, I did eat some delicious bean salad, but I didn't get a veggie wrap.) Oh, okay this is off track but I just want to point it out. If you are not a vegetarian, please do not eat the vegetarian fare unless you're ordering at a restaurant. When there are a certain pre-defined number of vegetarian meals, don't take them away from the people that actually have only that option. I wanted one and they were gone, and I started looking around for some more, and I saw people with a veggie wrap (which by the way, were absolutely frikkin' HUGE) right next to 2 other sandwiches such as a turkey bacon or a ham sandwich. Two problems: A. Don't eat the vegetarian fare! B. What the hell are you doing with 3 sandwiches??? 2 I can see if they're small, but 3? (as previously mentioned, veggie wraps = frikkin' huge) Stupid greedy people. Anyways.

Next more workshops. There were no major mishaps...with the exception of "Hip Hop Health and Human Rights." We had so many people wanting to attend that workshop that it filled up and then some. So we had to carry in chairs and chairs and there still wasn't enough space. People stood all over the room, but afterward they said it was totally worth it. Samantha was oh-so tired. So she did not attend the 2nd session. Rather, she sat on a couch in a hallway with her feet up. Because they hurt. A lot. Again, Whine. Also, our main plenary speaker who was our Paul Farmer replacement, missed her flight. So Samantha was having a heart attack. In the end, she got there on time, but I was stressing for a while.

So, final plenary session. Three of the most amazing speakers I've ever heard in my life. Ever.

Linda Horton St. Hubert- Former drug addict, victim of an abusive home, and prostitute who contracted HIV. Has hardly any education, and yet hung right up there with the other speakers. She was so amazing. She is my friend, and I do so love her.

Bryan Stevenson, JD- I HEART HIM!!! We all do. He was my favorite speaker by far. He's a lawyer here in Alabama who works cases on death row. I am an ardent opposer of the death sentence, and he's my hero. He had everyone crying, I was sitting on the steps in the Stephens Center bawling my eyes out. He is my hero, an amazing speaker, and I do so love him.

Joia Mukherjee, MD, MPH- She is so awesome. She really really cares about people, and it shows. Because you can tell you're passionate when you want to kick everyone's ass until they make everything right, and that's what she wants to do. She is a total butt-kicker and I sooo admire her for that. Incredibly intelligent, tons of fun, we love her. She even came to Bell Bottoms with us! (And my friend fell off of a stool and knocked into her. Oh so embarassing.)

So, to sum up, it was an amazing day. Tiring, but probably the most rewarding days of my life. I'm kind of glad it's over, but I miss yesterday. It was fabulous. If you had to miss it, I'm sorry for you...you missed a hell of a good time. So, I'm off. I bought an awesome new coat, and the PHR people gave me a really cool book as a thank-you present, and I need to go get them from Carolyn cause I left them in her car. Plus, I'm going to see The Chieftains (Irish folk band) tonight at the Alys Stephens Center with the PHR people! Much fun-ness. Laters!

Saturday night

I just woke up. And my face says DISCO. Good times were had by all.

I'm a glutton for punishment

The organ center just called me to go on a case. Of course it's about 2 hours away. And of course I said yes. Ugh. No sleep for Samantha tonight...but there will be money for Samantha next month, and that's what counts. I am teetering on the precipice of poverty (completely my fault) and having to work my butt off to mend the error of my ways. Oh well. I'll work all night, go to my other job in the morning, go to class until 5 PM tomorrow and then go straight to meetings until 8 PM. Woohoo! God help my poor project partners in my classes. I haven't done any work on our big project. You know me- the queen of cock-eyed prioritization. Well, better find something to eat before I leave. Laters!

Committed

That's what I need to be. I am so completely ready for next week, I can't begin to describe it. I have become the little servant girl for my conference's national coordinator. I swear- every ten seconds it's some new and more irritating request. I feel like Braveheart and she's the English....except she's winning and I have strategy against her. She has taken my life, and my freedom. Luckily though, it will all end soon and I will be able to take a break in sunny, not so cold California for a week! Yea!!

In other news, we started the "Couch to 5K" tonight. I've actually already done it, but it's fun to do it with some more people. There was a huge group there tonight, and the guy in charge promised a better body and new friends by the end of it. Who wouldn't sign up for that?!? The only problem with it is that I came home so exhausted I didn't get anything done, and fell asleep during Law and Order:SVU, which is a crime in itself because I do so love the Christopher Meloni. Oh well though.

Finally, my last stressor for today. I wrote a letter and sent it to everyone in my student group. I love them all, but people weren't stepping up to the plate to get things done and it was creating a lot of extra work for certain group members (particularly me.) So, I did the thing that hopefully will help, although will probably not make me any more popular than I already am with the group. I sent a guilt-inducing letter that hopefully will inspire them to get off their duffs. Or just sit there and hate me. Either way, at least I tried to do something. Of course, the thought of everyone in my group hating me is pretty sobering and saddening. I hope they don't take it personally- because I like them all a lot, but this is business!!

I guess that's all I had for tonight. Tons of stuff going on...life slowly coming apart at the seams...hoping it will stay together long enough for me to make my escape next week. Laters!

It's 2:46 AM- Why am I awake?

I had to crawl out of bed and share this deep thought. I've figured out what I'd like for the next gift-giving occasion. I want a clone. I don't understand why people are so against human cloning. If you raised him/her right, you could conceivably end up with someone who has the exact same goals and ideals as you, who would probably be just as willing to work on things as you are, and would thus be quite useful. Think Clone #1 on Multiplicity- efficient, motivated, and just as talented as you. (Clone #2 would also be helpful, cause I can't cook.) My problem is that even when people volunteer to help me with stuff, I'm so picky about the way things are done I generally end up working a lot on their finished product anyway (thus not really saving myself any effort.) So...I need a clone.

Or I could quit being so damn OCD...but I think it'd be more fun to come home and find myself with giant pieces of wood nailed to my boots, pretending to do ski jumps. "I'm sorry Steve- that leg's gonna have to come off." Haha....Multiplicity is the best movie ever!

PS- Writing at night is not a good idea for me...I can't tell you how many grammatical errors I just found re-reading that entry. Maybe I'll wait to write my speech for Saturday until tomorrow :)