Update: Hells Yeah!

Finally OLP!! Way to kick it into gear! (Assuming this is true.)

A fellow fan has been informed by their Sony rep that the first single will be available in the next 60 days. So stay tuned. Thanks to Christal for the scoop.

According to this week's "Radio and Records" magazine, the new album is out in the US on August 16th and the new single comes out June 7. The first single is called "Best Days". Thanks to Adam for the info.

June 7th is not 60 whole days away...therefore...WOOHOOO!!!! Bring on the coffee baby!

Return of Creepy Neighbor Guy

I know you guys have been wondering what happened to super-creepy neighbor guy, so I thought I'd reintroduce his character to the play that is my life. A few weeks ago, in a desperate attempt to open a beer bottle, I knocked on his door and borrowed a bottle opener. I took Richard with me, for a number of reasons (4 to be exact.)
1. He really wanted to see if this guy was hideous, had a third eye, something like that.
2. I told him to come with me because I didn't want to be near that guy alone.
3. We both wanted to stare into his apartment (as he has stared into mine, oh-so-many times.)
4. We both wanted to be able to open beer bottles.

So, we knock on creepy neighbor's door. And he opens it, reacts favorably to our bottle opener request, and goes to retrieve said item leaving the door open. The following is an inventory of what we could survey during our 30 seconds of intense staring.

1. Giant stuffed alien wizard (this discovery took precious staring time away, as Richard and I had to look at each other and communicate that "yes, this dude truly is weird," with our eyes.)
2. Giant beanbag...serving as alien wizard's throne.
3. Multiple gaming systems. Not stowed away nicely...but rather sprawled in front of the television....many cords all around the room.
4. A large bookshelf. Filled with DVDs and Star Trek books.

However, he did have a nice bottle opener/cork screw which we took with gratitude. He said for me to bring it back anytime, and I replied that I would bring it back when he brought back my DVD that he had borrowed (2 months ago!) He came over about a week later and we made our prisoner swap.

So tonight, I'm watching the "Law & Order: CI" season finale...and all night I'm craving chocolate. Actually, all week I've been craving chocolate. But tonight, I had to give in. I waited for a commercial and then I motored as quickly as possible to the nearest grocery establishment (read: Piggly Wiggly.) Got some soy milk (to assure myself that I didn't go to the grocery store just to fetch a half gallon of ice cream) and a half-gallon of rocky road. Mmmmm. I'm parking and rushing back to my apartment, when there he is. Super-creepy neighbor guy.

Creepy Neighbor: "oooh, hello. What are you doing out so late?"
Samantha: "Satisfying an ice cream craving" (secretly edging toward apt. in desperate attempt to not miss L&O:CI)
CN: "So, what kind of ice cream did you get?"
Sam: "Rocky Road"
CN: "oooh, I looove rocky road."
Sam: "uh huh...me too." (hand on apt. doorknob)
CN: "oh, but don't tell me that. Don't tell me you have my favorite ice cream. I don't want to go all the way to the store to get some. But now I'm craving it!"
Sam: "Hahaha. Bye." (door closed, deadbolted, and chained.)

Look, CN. There is no flippin' way that I'm inviting you into my apartment for ice cream!
A. You're creepy!
B. It's my ice cream that I plan to eat right out of the carton. That's right people. I live alone. Right. Out. Of. The. Carton. (judge me if you must.)
C. You're totally cuttin' into my Law & Order. And dude, that's the epitome of uncool.

So that's your creepy neighbor update for this evening. I'll keep you posted :) Laters!

Yet another reason

I wish I lived in New York. Because of this. I love Our Lady Peace... and I bet Flogging Molly is excellent live. OLP album...August....it was in a magazine ad so it's finally real and not internet rumor. Yay! (Although, Bob Rock, if it turns out to be Gravity II- I have a fish brick with your name on it.)

Clubbin' 101

1. Do not go clubbing with one gorgeous friend. You will spend the night bored, and hit on by the ugly men who didn't have the misplaced confidence to go for your friend.

2. Do not allow your friend to drink WAYY too much. You will spend the night picking her up off the floor, fighting with her about getting more drinks, and stopping other girls from kicking her ass after she's totally messed up their expensive hair-do*.

3. Do not park in the Methodist church parking lot. Because regardless of the fact that they're really not using the parking lot at 3 AM, when you get to your car, it will be booted. And they will charge you an arm and a leg to get the boot off. And you will be angry. And want to kick them. But the cops are watching, so just go. Really. Leave.

4. Drink. Don't stay out all night sober. It really totally sucks. Don't get pasted, because you need to take care of your friend. But have enough that you're not totally miserable the last 5 hours of it.

5. Don't let it last more than 5 hours. Getting home at 6:30 AM, particularly completely sober, totally sucks. And if you are getting out that late/early, bring sunglasses. Because the sun burns after you've spent the past 8 hours in dark clubs.

*Hair-do (I don't know if that's how you write it or not) is the strangest word ever.

An Open Letter to the Windy City

Dear Chicago,

I am coming to visit you in a couple weeks. Please warm up before I get there. Because I have lots of cute summer clothes. And I want to wear them while I am visiting you. I do not want to revert to my sweatshirts....plus I already put them away for the season, and digging them out is a pain in the ass. So, for my convenience, let's kick it up a few degrees huh? Thanks :)

Love,
Sam

From the mouths of babes

Overheard at Star Wars matinee yesterday...two little boys (max age 10..probably 8 or 9) talking before the film starts. And...scene!

boy #1: She is too your girlfriend!

boy #2: Who?!

boy#1: Hilary Duff! You said she was the prettiest girl you ever saw!

boy #2: Nuh uh! Hilary Duff is the ugliest girl even in the whole world!

boy #1: That's not what you said earlier.

boy #2: *smiling ever so slightly* I never said I liked her!

boy #1: Oh! Look! Look at that face! You're smiling! Because you like her! Because you want to kiss her!

boy #2: Eeew!! Gross!!! I wouldn't want to kiss her even if I did like her!

boy #1: Man. You're right. That's gross. Sorry. Let's watch Star Wars.

Don't you miss the time when all of your sentences were punctuated with exclamation points? I mean, mine still are...I was talking about you. :) Laters!

Head Over Feet

Tonight. What can I say about tonight? Well, it was eventful. Let's put it that way. Earlier in the day, I went and got a haircut...which I really like because it's short and light and breezy and makes me happy. I was watching the Smallville finale tonight and someone called me. They needed me at work. So I finished up Smallville and headed off to work. I get to work and there are three guys in the command center...two guys I know and work with, and one guy I've never seen before. The mystery guy turns out to be a new guy they hired and will be going with us on the case. Samantha is happy about this. As soon as I walk in the door, the guys I know start freaking out about my hair. They love it and they're making a big deal about it, and what girl doesn't enjoy that? Especially in front of the new guy. Because did I mention? The new guy is hot.

The new guy is young. And hot. And has nice arms. And TALL (which several of you know is my #1 favorite thing in the world.) The new guy actually may be younger than me, but not by much and at this point in my life, I really don't care. So, we go on the case, I show the new guy all kinds of fun tricks. I stare at him a lot, so when I see that he's confused about something, I go ahead and explain whatever it is to him. He responds by smiling and saying, "You read my mind." I didn't want to respond with, "No...I just keep checking you out." So I decided to just smile back. Keep in mind...I don't want to date this kid...I just enjoy flirting with him. Because, did I mention? He's hot.

And here's where you learn why Samantha is perpetually date-less. We're leaving work, and we're carrying some of our equipment down some stairs. New boy grabs one side of a large piece of equipment, and I grab the other. We start to go down the stairs (Samantha walking backwards) and what do I do? Oh yes. Yes I do. I fall. Backwards. Down the stairs. In front of new boy. Not only that, I usually get right up after I fall and shake it off and pretend like nothing happened. Nope. Of course, this would be the night that I actually hurt myself. One of my co-workers had to give me a piggy-back ride to the van. I knew I was going to hurt myself at work eventually, but I honestly didn't see a fall down the stairs coming. So, I limped around the rest of the night...the team leader had to file an incident report, and I have a huge knot on my leg where it hit a concrete stair. I swear. I have no manner of luck at all. Laters.

One Satisfied Customer

3 appetizers + 3 orders of sushi + 2 beers = $17

Actually, it was free because C's boyfriend paid (kudos to him.) However, even if I had paid for any part of it, I would have been one satisfied customer. Yay for sushi happy hour. :)

If I was holding my breath waiting for this album to come out...

I would have died 6 months ago. I don't even care anymore. I don't think they're ever going to release it. Maybe they think it sucks...maybe it's best that they don't release it. Either way, I wash my hands of it. I can't deal with the constant lies!! Now it's August, money says it comes out even later than that. We shall see though. Also? Still hate Bob Rock with the fire of a thousand hells. I would totally hurl a fish-brick at him.

According to Marie on the Clumsy Congress, the July release date has changed. Thanks to Nikki again for making us aware of this. However, the DJ on Edmonton's radio station 100.3 the Bear said that Our Lady Peace have been in the studio, and they've laid down 45 tracks with Bob Rock. Now, they are sifting through them finding the best ones to go on the album. Also they've quoted that the album should be released in August.

Ain't that a kick in the head?

I just graduated, and now I'm searching for jobs. I've applied for many jobs in the past, even including several that I knew I wasn't qualified for but I applied for anyway since I thought they would be cool. Usually, I apply for a job, and then I never hear anything again. Or, I get a rejection letter 3 months later (after I've already found another job.) So today, I sent in some job applications. One job, at a not-too-distant university, looked totally awesome. It was doing exactly what I wanted to do, it had awesome benefits, and it included working with students (which I love.) The only problem was that it listed 5 years of experience (including supervisory experience) as a qualification. I happily ignored the qualification, and went on to write a cover letter filled with why I am fabulous and experience? who needs experience? look how great I am! I fully expected to never hear from these people again. (insert foreboding music here.)

So, of course, I did hear back. I got a very nice, professional email from the person to whom I'd sent my application. Except, it wasn't the usual, "sorry, no dice" email. Well, the gist of it was, but the way it was put across was so strange. It's like they thought I was a grown-up or something. The part that really got me was when he said, "As I hope you will understand, these experience and supervisory credentials cannot be waived by the search committee. Therefore, I will not be passing your resume on to the committee." Search committee?!?? Every job I've ever had included one idiot reading resumes, calling me for an interview, and having their socks knocked off because I can speak in complete sentences without an overwhelming Southern drawl. (I like to think without a southern drawl altogether, but I guess that's debatable.) So now, I'm super self-conscious about sending out my cover letter and resume. There are committees people! Whole groups of people to say, "Tsk tsk, what a waste of our time. I hate this girl" or, "Maybe if we all will it together we can get her heart to explode in her chest for sending us this crap application." Bet ya didn't think that could happen while job-hunting. It's risky stuff. I'll keep you posted. Laters!

Holy Bratwurst Batman!

What's up with all the German spam lately? Apparently I'm not the only one having problems with it. But it sure is irritating. I guess it's a nice break from the usual porn stuff though.

Eeew.

Enemy, thy name is salmon fish filet. Do not buy Archer Farms Salmon Filets. Because they are the most incredibly disgusting things the devil has ever devised. You see the picture on the front of the box and you think, "My, how convenient. I believe I'll try these." You take them home, open the box, and sweet Jesus. How did this fish become so incredibly square? The answer? This thing is probably not really a salmon filet. More likely, it's salmon parts. Random salmon parts that were pressed into a cube, individually wrapped, and put into a box for your dining non-pleasure. Despite the unappealing presentation, I thought (since I'd purchased them) I'd give them a try.

I unwrap one, drop it on some tin foil, add butter and lime juice, wrap it up and stick it in the oven. 20 minutes later, I pull it out, open it up, and am greeted by the most putrid odor I've ever had the misfortune of smelling. Apparently the salmon "filet" was butter-resistant because rather than being absorbed into the fish, it formed an egg-like skirt around the fish-square. I scraped it off and in one of my less intelligent moments, decided to try it anyway. I tossed it on a bun, added a bunch of tartar sauce (in a vain attempt to cover its taste), and took a bite. I obviously have an iron stomach because I was able to keep the single bite down. Barely. I had to throw it away. It was THE most disgusting thing I've ever put in my mouth. I would rather eat a bunch of brussels sprouts (because I hate those too, but not this much.)

So, the lesson is: do not buy Archer Farms Salmon Filets. And if you do, don't eat them. Use them as doorstops, build a house with them, or hurl them at your enemies....anything but assaulting your digestive tract with these fish-squares from hell. laters.

Sneezing

My friend lives in my apartment complex. And I love her. Really. But sometimes she doesn't think. She had a cat (it ran away a week or two ago) and I am allergic to cats. She has a key to my apartment (in case I lock myself out) and I have a key to hers (because I used to feed and water her cat, albeit rather unreliably, for her.) Except she doesn't just use her key to let me in if I lock myself out. She uses it to borrow my things. Without my knowledge. I wouldn't mind this, except for the cat. She takes my vacuum and uses it in her cat-hair-ridden apartment. I just went upstairs and stole it back from her (she's had it for a month) and had to empty the container/filter. So much cat hair/cat litter. I am now sneezing and swollen-eyed. Unngghh...and when I vacuum my apartment it's going to spread the hair around. I think I'm going to turn it on outside for a few minutes until it gets the hair out of its system. Stupid cat. Laters.

I am a bad person

Yesterday I discovered that I am a bad person. With no impulse control. Carolyn called me to go to brunch...and things just went downhill from there. We were eating and she said, "Hey, wanna go to the outlet mall with me?" My reply, "Um, yeah! When do I turn down a trip to the outlet mall?!" The answer? Never. Never ever. Because I love the outlet mall. Even though it is the home of all things that I should not purchase, I love it. I am perfectly capable of going to a mall and not buying anything. But there is no way in hades I'm going to an outlet mall and not buying anything. Because in my mind, everything's a deal. That may not be true, but it's true in my mind. And that's all that counts. Therefore, I bought a lot yesterday. I even bought a Tommy Hilfiger swimsuit that is cute as buttons. Because I am a bad person. Then, we went to Target and I bought a skirt there. Again. Bad person.

Why am I such a bad person? Because I still have not paid my tuition. My diploma? It's not in the mail. It's cooling its heels at the school waiting for me to spring it from its proverbial prison. It's waiting for me to make its bail, and buying swimsuits is not going to get me there. I know it's time to bite the bullet with the credit card. It's just hard. I finally got a credit card. First one ever. And I'm going to put nearly the limit on it in one fell swoop. Stupid tuition. Anyways...time to go do laundry (want to wash all my pretty new clothes.) Laters!

Clubs for Boys Who Love Boys

So..I went to two gay bars/clubs tonight. On one hand, it was good times. My best friend and his boyfriend are gay, so they wanted to go to these places and I accompanied them. In return, they danced with me, entertained me, bought me drinks, paid cover charges, and overall did a great job of keeping me from wishing I was at a straight club. On the other hand, I was sad. And it's sad to be sad at a gay club. Cause people in the club are so happy! They have drinks and they have their boyfriends/girlfriends, and they have some kickin' music. What more could they want?!? What more could I want?!? As a single, straight person, I could want a heterosexual man. That's what.

The thing about gay clubs is that they're full of men. Very very attractive men. Very attractive men that do not want to have the least to do with me. Because I am a lady (probably for other reasons as well, but for now, let's narrow it down to sexual orientation.) And several of them have a man. So there I am. A single heterosexual female. It kind of busts into your good times. It shouldn't, but sometimes it does. Because you look around and you think, "Man, that dude with a mohawk is so smokin' hot. But he is gay. And has a boyfriend. And doesn't want you." And so you continue to drink and dance with your friend-couple. Which is kind of sad too, cause you start to feel like maybe you should leave them alone because they would have a better time if they could just dance with each other instead of having that stupid female hanging around their neck. (By no means do they give me this impression, I'm just paranoid.)

So then you go and sit at a table by yourself, and start to ponder your lot in life. And you realize, if your biggest problem is wanting a man while you're drunk as hell at a gay club on a Saturday night, you're probably doing alright. So yay reality. You win again :) Time to sleep off the partay. G'night! :)

haHA!

I don't like two of my co-workers. Only two. So it's really not too bad. One I dont like because he's a jerk and purposely doesn't call me for cases. Which seriously impairs my ability to feed and shelter myself. So he sucks. The other guy I hate because he is the LAZIEST MAN ALIVE! He doesn't want to do anything, but he wants to get paid. If you call him to do a case, he bitches cause he doesn't want to be there. If you don't call him for a case, he bitches cause you should have called him cause he needs the money. He's so frikkin' irritating. So tonight, he calls me. He doesn't call me on the business line (which is recorded), rather he calls me from his cell phone.

Lazy Ass: Hey Sam, you got plans tonight?

Sam: Um, yeah. That's why I took the night off.

Lazy Ass: Well, we got two cases going on and we need some help.

Sam: Where are they?

Lazy Ass: Well, one's at *insert local hospital here* and one's at *insert Eastern Chinese hospital here*

Sam: I can do the local one if you need me to.

Lazy Ass: *sounding pissy* Man I'll just take care of both of 'em.

Sam: Fine, bye.

Man, I was so mad at him...but proud of myself. Ordinarily I would tell him, "Oh, I'll do the far away case if you want me to." But not tonight. I want to go out, and this is my last chance for a whole month. So screw him.

10 seconds later

Lazy Ass: Hey Sam

Sam: Yeah?

Lazy Ass: Go ahead and do the local case, and I'll do the far away one.

Sam: Okay. Bye.

So TRIUMPH! I get some money, and I get to par-tay! I'm sorry, he is on call. Therefore he should have to go to China. Not me. So now I have to get ready for work. Laters!

Alabama Idol

From time to time I watch American Idol. Because I have 4 channels, and it takes up one of them at 7 PM a day or two a week. Today though, it is on all my channels and it's getting on my nerves. Apparently Bo Bice came home today. Home is Helena, Alabama which happens to be in the Birmingham viewing area. Which means that every local news station covered it. The news was interrupted several times for live shots of Bo riding down the streets of Helena in the back of a Ford Mustang. We spoke to numerous traffic experts on how Helena is handling extra people coming to the town to see Bo. And we spoke to the ever popular old-people-who-knew-Bo-when-he-was-young and Bo's preacher. Yes, that's right. Bo's preacher. (They keep getting him to tell us what a good person Bo is and how we should ignore the numerous drug charges from his past. I'm fine with ignoring his old drug charges, I just don't need his preacher to tell me every day on the 5 o'clock news.)

To me, this entire scenario begs the question: What the hell happened to Ruben? The lovable "velvet teddy bear" who won the competition two years ago and was actually from Birmingham proper? Rumors abound that he keeps landing himself in the hospital with a variety of maladies stemming from his obesity. I'm not really sure. I just feel like regardless of what's up now, American Idol really short-changed Ruben. After his season, all I saw was Clay Aiken. Ugh. Clay Ugly-as-a-baboon Aiken. I didn't see Ruben on every frikkin' TV show after he won! I saw Clay! I think Fox stuffed Ruben in a closet somewhere and told him to stay put. Either way, Ruben got the shaft.

Finally, a question for anyone who lives in the North or in a large city: When you guys have an American Idol finalist, does your local media tell you to call in all the time and vote? I'm just wondering whether the Southerners are doing so well because they're well organized. They tell us to vote every ten seconds. Cause it's not like there's anything else going on....I swear, the news tonight? American Idol, American Idol, some high school ranked high in the nation, American Idol, the weather, some sports, Bullnanza, and American Idol. Welcome to my life.

The fruit. How did it fall so far from the tree?

I just thank the lord that it did. :) Not that this quiz is any kind of scientific measurement of my liberal or conservativeness. (BTW, I totally bootlegged this quiz from another blog. I'm so unoriginal after lunch.) Laters!

Your Political Profile

Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

I am the full moon

You know how all the freaks supposedly come out during the full moon? I'm beginning to think that's what I am. Because I bring out the freaks. As a general rule (there are a couple notable exceptions), if you are attracted to me, you have a deep-rooted problem. Really. You're evil, or you're an emotional cripple, or you're some kind of mutant (and not in a hot-Hugh Jackman as Wolverine kind of way.) Case in point? Fetish boy.

The Thursday night before graduation, I went to see a friend's band play at a local bar. I've been promising him I'd come watch them all semester and this was the first chance I got. They were really good, I love them, yay. So, halfway through their set, some other public health people started showing up. Among them, this guy who's a doctor in the Air Force and graduating the next day with me. He comes out with us a lot, seems to be a nice guy. He's kind of short and has a goatee (alarm bells should have been ringing for me) but he's really nice and I assumed because he was older and would be leaving and all that jazz, he wasn't anything I'd have to think about. Hahaha Samantha....you're so naive. So, we're talking and he says that there's a big party in June in ATL that he's going to and that he'd bring some info about it to graduation and if I wanted to I could go with him. I say ok, whatever. I was a little bit buzzed and frankly didn't have a clue what he was talking about.

So, fast-forward to graduation. I walk in and there he is with a camera. He makes me stop and he takes a picture of me standing by myself. Then I go sit at the table with my parents. He comes over and brings me this little card and says, "This is the info on that party I told you about. If you're interested, just let me know." And he walks away. I look down at the card. It's some kind of ginormous fetish party. The card features pics of people in handcuffs and holding whips. I am afraid. And my parents are curious. "What's that?" asks my father. (Samantha dies a little bit inside.) I tuck it in my program and try to divert attention away from it. Of course, sometime during the course of the graduation, curiousity gets the better of him and he steals my program and the card contained therein. Needless to say, my father wanted the details on this guy who gave me the card and whether he needed to go shoot him. Luckily, the revelation that the man is an officer in the Air Force and a physician made my Dad think he's just a freak, not a psychopath who wants to cage and handcuff his daughter.

So, I attract freaks. A lot of freaks. Convicts, boys who are overly enthusiastic about leather, boys who are vertically challenged, and (multiple) hideous security guards. And tomorrow's Friday the 13th. Woo. Laters!

Samantha, MPH

It's official. I'm a grown-up and it's scary as hell. My father promptly informed me that he would be changing the car title to my name so that I could insure it myself. I promptly informed him that I had graduated, not won the lottery. Hopefully that funny excuse will keep him at bay for a little while.

Graduation went off without a hitch. Aside from my father's constant, "Can we go now? Can we go now? Can we go now?" during the thing, it went well. My parents didn't really talk to anyone, other than a series of nods, and we didn't stay long. So yay! However, the vegetarian lunch was very disappointing. I was very hungry afterwards and ended up eating nachos in the Target snack bar. I'm ever so classy. :)

Pomp & Circumstance

Today's the day! At 11:30 AM I will be graduating with my Master's in Public Health. Go me.

I should be happy and excited about this, and on one hand I am. On the other hand, I'm so so not. You see, the people of public health are a liberal group. We think George Bush is an idiot, we think common sense health initiatives should be funded, and we're having a hard time figuring out why religion is factoring in on our global AIDS policies. A real hard time.

My parents, on the other hand, are conservatives. Not "compassionate conservatives," not middle-of-the-roaders....no. My parents are hard-core right wing nutjobs. I think I've successfully cured my little sister of that disease (yay Jessica!) but my retired military parents? No such luck. All I can do is keep my fingers crossed and steer my parents away from talking to anyone but each other.

I guess I really shouldn't worry, because my father will avoid people like the plague (very antisocial) and my mother will talk to everyone but everyone will like her. She won't start badmouthing people until we get back in the car. So, overall, I guess I should chill out. Also, I should thank God that my father is wearing a suit (albeit one that's way too small for him and causes him to look as though he's going to explode at any minute) and not his customary Bush-Cheney t-shirt, camouflage hat, unabomber sunglasses combo. Yay for that. :) So, going to try to tame my hair...then graduation, then a lot of partying. A LOT of partying. WOO!! Laters!

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

Don't forget to celebrate tonight! Either with or without a libation. :) Laters!

Won't you not be my neighbor?

My neighbor is moving. She's been moving for about a month now. Which means there is always a ginormous pile of crap outside her door that needs to be taken to the dumpster, or her car, or whatever. Normally it doesn't bother me that badly. I'm not what you'd call a neat-freak. I like things neat and clean, but I understand if it doesn't exactly work out that way. Things often don't. However, I do not like it when your mess is kickin' up a smell.

I walked out of the apartment earlier to take out my garbage and the walkway outside my next door neighbor's apartment was wet. I thought it was wet with water from the hose or something. Oh no. It smells like milk. Old milk. The liquid wasn't water, it was milk that was seeping from a trashbag outside of her door. I almost hurled. This woman loves to assail my olfactory bulb. She smokes outside my door, which sends it right into the apartment, and now she's leaving old milk outside. EEEEWWW!! God I wish she would hurry up and move.

Anyways...tonight is Richard's movie screening over at the IMAX theatre. I'm sooo glad he's finally done with it- it's been taking up a lot of time and interfering with our frequent lunching. :) Laters!

Jesus: Servin' it up hot and fresh

So the story on last night. Let me tell ya, it's good stuff in retrospect. I was called to go to a case at a local hospital. We packed up the van and headed out. Two of my co-workers were with me in the front seat of our Honda Odyssey, with my favorite co-worker, Brian, driving. He is such a sweetheart and is really funny and is the only reason I ever get called to do any work. God bless him.

So, we're about 4 blocks from the office and Brian's calling the OR on his cell phone. There's a Chevy Trailblazer ahead of us and it looks like she's coming over into our lane. Brian speeds up to get around her. We were right beside her when she decides she's coming over after all. Aaaaannddd she hits us. Greg jumps up in his seat, I scream, and Brian keeps driving. The people who hit us turn down a side street. We have to tell Brian to stop the car....he seems like he's in shock that we were hit or something. Then I look at the other car and they're still driving. I tell Brian they're trying to run and we need to catch them and get their license plate number. So he kicks it into reverse and the chase ensues. We didn't have to chase them long because when they saw we were following them, they slowed down, and then Brian jumped in front of them and pulled over. We were soon to discover the plethora of reasons she would want to flee the scene.

We call the cops, and the woman gets out of the car. She's smoking a cigarette, she looks about 45, and she has a guy with her who looks about 25. Her boyfriend is going around shaking hands acting like he's meeting people in a bar or something. They said they were just coming in from the Sarah McLachlan concert and were on their way back to their hotel. The woman keeps freaking out about the damage on the truck...which I guess was pretty bad. And keeps saying, "he's going to kill me." We didn't know who she was talking about. Then the cop gets there. He asks for licenses and proof of insurance. We can't find our proof of insurance since it's a company car and we couldn't find it in the glove compartment or anywhere. So we tell that to the officer, and the other driver says, "Oh, that's okay, cause I don't have my license!" The cop laughs, hahaha. "Do you have a license and you just don't have it with you?" She replied, "It's suspended." Ooohhh...and the plot thickens.

He takes her proof of insurance and I guess it says Harold or something. He points to the man with her and asks, "Is this Harold?" She sheepishly shakes her head. The cop calls in her license and it's suspended for DUI. (At one point the cop got in his squadcar to write some stuff up, and Greg said, "For a minute, we thought you guys were runnin'!" and the woman replied, "When you guys didn't stop right away, we were going to make a run for it!" Greg laughed. I cringed because that woman made me so mad.) While the cop is writing everything up, the woman's asking to give everyone a group hug. I am TOTALLY freaked out by nasty old smoky drunk women giving me hugs. She actually wasn't really drunk, but I can guarantee you she and her man had tossed a couple back. The license check also gave her date of birth as 1970, making her 35 years old. That's a message for you kids: Don't smoke. It will make you look really old and yucky.

So, the cop told us to go on, we were done. But he had to take care of some business with the lady that hit us. I don't know if they arrested her or what...we went on to the hospital and did the case. Brian was really upset that he'd gotten us in a car accident, but I told him that it wasn't his fault, and that we probably just got caught in the crossfire of some divine retribution. I mean, driving your HUSBAND'S truck, with a SUSPENDED license, with ALCOHOL on your breath, and your younger LOVER in the passenger seat? Jesus was doing an intervention...cause that dude probably missed out on some lovin' in that hotel room last night. They probably spent the evening coming up with convincing stories involving deer and headlights to tell her husband...hahahaha.

Either way, that was my dramatic evening. Luckily no one was hurt, all that jazz. That woman was CRAZY though. Laters!

Coming Attractions

Tune in tomorrow for the fascinating story of my brush with death. (And I use the word "brush" with the most liberal of definitions because I gotta tell ya, death? A bit dramatic for what happened to me.) It's an exciting tale! Drunks, car accidents, adultery, need I say more? Well, I guess I could say no one was hurt....so, no worries- just suspense :) Back in the AM when I can piece together a sentence without falling asleep. Laters!

I love you Brazil

Brazil is a total frikkin' rock star. Bush thinks he can push his ideals on every country. (I really worry that Cheney has the ulterior motive of ruling the planet. Bush probably doesn't realize that we're on a planet.) Regardless of what you believe, if you said you would give funding based on an agreement, you can't start adding random stuff to it after it's already been approved. The US has pulled a lot of ideological crap lately, which is probably a big part of why other countries hate us, but they haven't been able to stand up to us because we give them a lot of money. Spotlight Brazil. They have an international reputation for amazing work in HIV/AIDS treatment and prevention, and they'll get their funding from somewhere else if they have to. But right now, they're going to stick it to the American man. Way to be, Brazil. I love you just the way you are. :) Laters!

Another fabulous thing about the sign is the fact that they randomly store a plastic nativity scene Virgin Mary right above it in plain sight. I love crap like that. :) 

This is a picture of a sign hanging at an old steel mill here in Birmingham. Richard and I were there the other day and I thought this was the COOLEST sign. I mean, it's good common sense. You totally need your hands. (Richard took the picture because he's an awesome photographer.) 

Richard, Samantha, and Steven at a party a long time ago. I thought it was a cute picture of us, so I thought I'd share. Actually I've gotten a lot of pictures back lately, so I'm sure I will be posting more soon. :) 

Dispatches from Unemployment

I'm not really unemployed, but my freedom from the land of cubicles and the abundance of free time during the day certainly makes it feel like I am. So, I will recap my day for those of you who would like to be unemployed vicariously through me (it's more affordable this way.)

I woke up at around 9:30 AM because my family called me. So, I got up, turned on Looney Tunes, and climbed back into bed. I got back up after that, turned on some music, and took a shower. For those of you that know me, I have 46 pounds of hair on my head. So it takes me a lot of time and energy to blowdry/straighten it every day. After doing that, I was a little tired. So I came back into the bedroom, turned on "Castaway" and promptly fell back asleep. Reawakened at approximately 3 PM to another phone call. Went to school for about an hour, got a call from my job, went to work at 5 PM and was home by 9:30 PM. And now it's 10:30 and I'm about to go back to bed. So, to sum up: unemployment=catching up on all the sleep I've missed over the course of my entire life. It's pretty sweet. :)

Oh, and the SpongeBob Squarepants movie (which I watched while drying my hair) is not very good. Particularly the part with David Hasselhoff. It's so stupid it makes you cringe. And there are a lot of close-ups of David Hasselhoff's body. How did that make it into a children's movie? Surely looking at that stunts your growth or something. *shrug* oh well...they're not my kids. Laters!

Please don't Holla Back

Dear Gwen Stefani,

Remember your band, No Doubt? Could you please rejoin them? Because alone, you're making my ears bleed. The song, "Holla Back Girl" is quite possibly the worst song ever written. Any song that includes spelling the word "bananas" and is not written for the 4-7 year old demographic really shouldn't be played on the radio. FCC, what are we paying you for?!?
Also Gwen, you're gorgeous. You really are. So why in the HELL are you dressing like a pirate? Or a harajuku girl? You are not Japanese. And you are not a pirate. But you are really pretty. So could you dress like an at least semi-normal person please? Does your husband take you out anymore, or are you just milling around alone because he refuses to be seen with you?

Here's an idea: send your husband back to work. Let Bush come out with a new album...and you take a break and recover from your addiction to leggings. Please. Then, when you're feeling better, you can meet back up with the boys and make another No Doubt album.

Get well soon!
Samantha

Bugs is my hero

Looney Tunes are out on DVD...which makes me happy because I don't have cable and therefore am unable to get my fill of cartoon mania. Looney Tunes was a staple of my childhood. I always thought that every cartoon I hadn't seen before was a brand-new one. So, when my Dad would recite Bugs Bunny's lines before Bugs did, I thought my Dad was a certifiable psychic and the coolest man on the planet. I've since learned that Looney Tunes have been recycled through countless childhoods. Which doesn't make them any less fabulous. Although, have you watched them lately?

When I was a kid, it seemed to make a lot of sense that Daffy Duck could be shot point-blank in the head by a 20-gauge shot gun and live to tell Bugs that he was "despicable." Now I watch it and I think that it's kind of bad how non-chalantly guns are pulled out every ten seconds. At the end of one of the shorts, Bugs and Yosemite Sam were outsmarted by some tertiary character. Bugs looks at Sam and says, "Who's up for a game of Russian Roulette?" Then he hands Sam a pistol and Sam holds it to his temple and fires the gun. It clicks with an empty barrel, he hands the gun to Bugs. The screen goes black and you hear a shot. The picture comes back and Sam has been shot (he has the characteristic black, smoking head.) Bugs says, "Eh, I missed!" It's funny, it's just kind of surreal to watch.

But, I still think it's hilarious. Oh, and Spongebob is gay? Bugs Bunny puts on a dress and lipstick and smooches a dude everytime he gets the chance! And no one has a word to say about this. I don't think they should- I think the whole "gay cartoon character" movement is pretty stupid. I just wonder what these people base this on.

This whole Looney Tunes analysis is based on the fact that I've spent all morning lying in my bed watching cartoons. That's the direct product of daytime unemployment. Yeah! Oh, and best Bugs Bunny moment? In the episode with that giant furry red monster and Bugs distracts him by giving him a haircut and a manicure. "I always looove working with monsters, because monsters are such iiiinnteresting people. They lead such iiinnnteresting lives!" Laters!